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Wonder Quotes

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Wonder Quotes

“God works wonders now and then; Behold a lawyer, an honest man.”

Men God Funny Law Liberty Wonder Honest Honesty Humorous Lawyer Now And Then Honest Man

Author:Benjamin Franklin

“Watching football is like watching pornography. There's plenty of action, and I can't take my eyes off it, but when it's over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it.”

I Can Eye Action Funny Wonder Hell Football Plenty Nfl Afternoon Pornography American Football Funny American Football Watching Football

Book:The answer is baseball: a book of questions that illuminate the great game

Source: The answer is baseball: a book of questions that illuminate the great game

“A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.”

Funny Names Sound Wonder Events Competition Suits Breakfast Swimming Dozen Olympics Addict Cereal Bathing London Olympics Bathing Suits Breakfast Cereal Speedos

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I have always sensed the exhilaration and independence of being self-propelled. Besides, you can jog while pushing a baby carriage. Maybe I'm a product of Wonder Woman comic books”

Inspirational Book Self Funny Wonder Products Baby Independence Comic Pushing Entertaining Comic Book Athletics Carriages Exhilaration Wonder Woman Bloopers

Author:Nina Kuscsik

“He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.”

Sometimes Hands Funny Enjoy Sound Voice Wonder Beats Humorous Importance Satisfaction Obvious Sentences Mellow

Book:Bleak House

Source: Bleak House

“Before the first atomic bomb test, scientists took the time to calculate whether the blast would ignite the nitrogen in Earth's atmosphere and incinerate us all. The risk was low and the test went off, but Rees wonders what the odds would have had to be to discourage the bomb makers.”

Firsts Earth Funny Science Wonder Technology Risk Lows Tests Scientist Atmosphere Bombs Makers Odds Discouraging Blast Atomic Bomb Ignite Nitrogen

Author:Dennis Overbye

“"Hail to the Chief" was played, and the President got up and made a gracious opening remark. "I've been in this office for six years, and yet every time I hear that music, I turn around wondering who they're playing it for."”

Years Made Funny Turns President Wonder Office Six Opening Chiefs Remarks Gracious Hail Reaganomics

Author:Kirk Douglas

“I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.”

People Ifs Sometimes Humor Funny Enjoy Wonder Quiet Dead People

Author:Doug Stanhope

“Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was buried with all his equipment, probably turning in his grave.”

Thinking Sometimes Whole Humor Funny Wonder Whole Life Graves Buried Grandfather Equipment My Grandfather Sometimes I Wonder Kebabs

Author:Milton Jones

“I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."”

Thinking Humor Funny Wonder Chairs

Author:Robin Williams

“Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like "Howdy, folks!" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder: Where do they get these people? My guess: 1952. I think old Walt realized, way back then, that there would eventually be a shortage of cheerful people, so he put all the residents of south western Nebraska into a giant freezer with a huge picture of Jiminy Cricket on the outside, and the corporation has been thawing them out as needed ever since.”

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back

“You can't have a bad time at Disney World. It's not allowed. They have hidden electronic surveillance cameras everywhere, and if they catch you failing to laugh with childlike wonder, they lock you inside a costume representing a beloved Disney character such as Goofy and make you walk about in the Florida heat getting grabbed and leaped on by violently excited children until you have learned your lesson.”

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you're OK.”

People Ifs Funny Wonder Comedy Bed Baths

Author:John Pinette

“In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women’s breasts?”

Men Country Enough Problem Humor Funny Lasts Attention Wonder Week Couple Advertising Breasts Ads Bras

Author:Hugh Grant

“Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?”

Ifs Humor Would Be Funny Wonder Speed Lightning Speed Of Light

Author:Steven Wright