“Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call.” MadeStatesUseTodayNationsTermOfficialsSecretaryDiplomaticJohn Kerry Author:Conan O'Brien
“At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in that speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading Craigslist personals.” MadeStatesLastsNightReadingPresidentSpeechUnionsAddressesPresident ObamaLast NightTransgenderBisexualCraigslist Author:Conan O'Brien
“Pope Francis announced that next year he is coming to the United States, or as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama lets in yet another guy from South America.'” YearsStatesAmericaGuyNextUnitedUnited StatesNewsSouthPopeFoxesNext YearOther GuysFox NewsSouth America Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama has pledged $3 billion to aid poor nations. All of that $3 billion is going to the United States.” StatesNationsPresidentPoorUnitedUnited StatesAidsBillionsPresident ObamaPoor Nations Author:Conan O'Brien
“Kim Kardashian tweeted that she is supporting President Obama in the midterm elections. I think it worked because all of the polls are predicting that after tonight Barack Obama will still be president of the United States.” ThinkingStillsStatesPresidentUnitedUnited StatesElectionBarackTonightPresident ObamaPollsKimPredictingMidtermsMidterm Elections Author:Conan O'Brien
“Yesterday, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he would run for governor of California. The announcement was good news for Florida residents who now live in the second flakiest state in the country.” CountryStatesRunningNewsYesterdayCaliforniaGovernorsFloridaGood NewsResidentsAnnouncementsSchwarzenegger Author:Conan O'Brien
“In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After hearing this Donald Rumsfeld responded, 'Like he'd know.'” KnowsStatesPlansHearingInterviewsIranSecretarySyria Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump announced today he is running for president of the United States. Traditionally that means six more weeks of comedy.” MeanStatesRunningTodayPresidentUnitedUnited StatesComedyWeekTrumpSix Author:Conan O'Brien
“Chris Christie said he will top Donald Trump's Iowa State Fair helicopter entrance by riding in on a pony. As a result, all the ponies in Iowa have gone into hiding.” SaidStatesResultsGoneTrumpFairsHidingRidingEntrancesIowaHelicoptersPoniesChristie Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'” StatesCoursesPresidentUnitedUnited StatesWorstTrump Author:Conan O'Brien
“Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said 'yes.'” YearsFirstsSaidStatesNew YorkOffersFirst TimeYeahBillsClintonAcceptedBarackSecretaryNew York Times Author:Conan O'Brien
“The three auto companies in the United States, they're all scrambling to come up with a plan, some way to reinvent themselves. Well this week Ford did its part. Ford unveiled a new hybrid, the Ford Fusion, which will get almost 40 miles to the gallon. Isn't that amazing? Yeah, and when asked how much it would cost, a spokesman for Ford said, '$25 billion.' They just want that money; they don't care. That's without mud flaps.” WayWantWellsSaidStatesCareThreeUnitedCompanyUnited StatesPlansWeekCostYeahCome UpDon't CareBillionsMilesMudHybridFusionGallons Author:Conan O'Brien
“On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Yeah, Nader said, this is really disappointing, I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states. That was the plan.” SaidStatesWantedPlansElectionYeahPresidentialDisappointingBallotsElection Day Author:Conan O'Brien
“The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent.” CountryStatesResultsStudyWeekPercentErrorsJerseyMarginsNew Jersey Author:Conan O'Brien
“According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here.” IfsHas BeensStatesMovingChanceUnitedNumbersUnited StatesHigherPercentAdultsMexicoSurveys Author:Conan O'Brien
“Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation.” IfsStatesAmericaBeautifulGayGods WillGay MarriageRenovation Author:Conan O'Brien
“By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband and husband. You can kiss the groom.” StatesChurchNew YorkHusbandKissingUniversalLgbtUniversal Life Author:Conan O'Brien
“Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around.” CountryStatesPowerfulStreetsCallingAngryClintonCalmProtestSecretaryEgyptPowerful Women Author:Conan O'Brien
“At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.'” SaidStatesPresidentDollarsFortuneDinnerChineseCookiesFortune Cookie Author:Conan O'Brien
“Yesterday, voters in the state of Maine voted no to gay marriage, but yes to medical marijuana. That's right, people in Maine believe marriage should be a sacred institution between a really stoned man and a really stoned woman.” PeopleMenShouldBelieveStatesGayInstitutionsSacredMedicalYesterdayVotersMarijuanaGay MarriageMaineMedical Marijuana Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.” ThinkingMadeSaidTwoStatesBigsPresidentCompanyCarNew YorkSpeechMembersChinaEightPresident ObamaShoppingAssemblyWyomingGeneral Assembly Author:Conan O'Brien
