“Hillary Clinton is not the first woman to run for president. That title belongs to Victoria Woodhull, who ran for president in 1872. Her running mate was a young, scrappy John McCain.” FirstsRunningYoungPresidentClintonTitlesRanMatesMccainVictoria Author:Conan O'Brien
“Russia's Vladimir Putin appeared in public for the first time after a mysterious 10-day absence. Putin said it took him that long to recover from the finale of 'The Bachelor.'” FirstsLongSaidFirst TimeAbsenceRussiaMysteriousPutinBachelorsFinale Author:Conan O'Brien
“Today President Obama is in the Middle East. He met the new king of Saudi Arabia. Obama also met Saudi Arabia's first lady, the second lady, third lady, and fourth lady.” FirstsTodayPresidentMiddleKingsMetsThirdsEastPresident ObamaMiddle EastFourthArabiaSaudi ArabiaSaudisFirst Lady Author:Conan O'Brien
“For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable.” FirstsFirst TimeTreatsDevicesVegetablesBreakthroughObesityApprovedFda Author:Conan O'Brien
“At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries.” FirstsDoeEconomicChinaBoundariesFlirtingAccusedSummitPutinFirst LadyBeing Accused Author:Conan O'Brien
“For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.'” FirstsHas BeensCountryTurnsBlackPresidentRepublicanFirst TimeCongressPresident Obama Author:Conan O'Brien
“In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson.” YearsFirstsFirst TimeElectionOld WomanWilsonMidtermsMidterm Elections Author:Conan O'Brien
“Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first thing they want to do is send her to Washington.” WantFirstsPersonsBlackRepublicanCongressUtahBlack Person Author:Conan O'Brien
“Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old model from Los Angeles. Like every other model in L.A., She's dating an older retired guy. What's going on?” YearsFirstsStoriesBigsFunnyGuyModelsFirst TimeDatingGirlfriendLos AngelesOlympicsRetiredLondon Olympics Author:Conan O'Brien
“Saudi Arabia's first female athlete will be allowed to compete while wearing a head scarf. The Saudi woman said she was thrilled about the ruling all she needs now is a man to drive her to the Olympics.” MenNeedsFirstsSaidFunnyFemaleAthleteOlympicsRulingArabiaSaudi ArabiaSaudisScarvesLondon OlympicsFemale Athlete Author:Conan O'Brien
“First Lady Michelle Obama has posted an exercise video of her beating up a punching bag. But don't worry, Vice President Biden is going to be OK.” FirstsPresidentWorryExerciseVicesVideoBagsVice PresidentFirst LadyBidenPunchingPunching Bag Author:Conan O'Brien
“The Chinese government launched China's first 24-hour news channel. And since the channel will only report stories that are favorable to the ruling party, they've decided to call it Fox News.” FirstsStoriesGovernmentHoursPartyNewsDecidedChinaChineseReportsFoxesRulingFox NewsChinese GovernmentNews Channels Author:Conan O'Brien
“'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.” FirstsMadeStoriesMillionsWeekRelatedJohn Kerry Author:Conan O'Brien
“The drug lord is on the run. His name is El Chapo. Donald Trump is in a Twitter feud with this Mexican drug lord. It's historic - the first time Americans have ever sided with a Mexican drug lord.” FirstsRunningNamesLordTrumpDrugFirst TimeHistoricMexicanFeuds Author:Conan O'Brien
“St.Patrick's Day is named for St. Patrick, the first guy to feed Guinness to a snake.” FirstsGuySnakesGuinnessSt PatrickSt Patrick's Day Author:Conan O'Brien
“For the first time American astronauts on the International Space Station ate vegetables grown in space. In other words, even space is getting more rain than California.” FirstsSpaceFirst TimeRainInternationalCaliforniaStationsVegetablesAstronautInternational Space Station Author:Conan O'Brien
“A public relations firm said that rock star David Lee Roth owes them over $110,000. The strange thing is that it's the first time that David Lee Roth has had any publicity in ten years.” YearsFirstsSaidStarsRocksStrangeTenFirst TimeRelationFirmRock StarPublicityStrange ThingsPublic Relations Author:Conan O'Brien
“This week Disney opened its first ever theme park in China. More than ten thousand children showed up on opening day. And that was just to make the T-shirts.” FirstsChildrenWeekThousandTenChinaOpeningShirtsParksThemeT ShirtTheme ParksOpening Day Author:Conan O'Brien
“Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.' Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats.” PeopleFirstsSaidTodayNewsElectionPressesDemocratCampaignsFactorsConferencesMccainPalinPress ConferencesEnergizing Author:Conan O'Brien
“Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times. Yeah, according to Bill Clinton, this is the first time in 20 years that Hillary has said 'yes.'” YearsFirstsSaidStatesNew YorkOffersFirst TimeYeahBillsClintonAcceptedBarackSecretaryNew York Times Author:Conan O'Brien
“Today the Washington Post did an article; they compared the 2008 presidential election to the 1932 presidential election. They did a comparison, mainly because 1932 was the first time John McCain ran for president.” FirstsTodayPresidentFirst TimeElectionPostsPresidentialRanComparisonArticlesMccainPresidential Election Author:Conan O'Brien
“California had its first medical marijuana job fair. Over 2 million people meant to show up.” PeopleFirstsShowsJobsMillionsFairsMedicalCaliforniaMarijuanaMedical Marijuana Author:Conan O'Brien
“Earlier this week - this is crazy - the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but also has a restaurant where customers can eat. In a related story, the recession is over.” FirstsCountryStoriesWeekCrazySellsCustomersMedicalRelatedRestaurantsMarijuanaRecessionsCafesMedical Marijuana Author:Conan O'Brien
“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'” FirstsFunnyJesusReligiousCoffeeCupsExpensiveCaffeineStarbucksFunny CoffeeGreat CoffeeMorning CoffeeMornings And CoffeeFunny Morning Coffee Author:Conan O'Brien
“Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity.” YearsFirstsSaidStillsWarHardLostStarsFansHavensCryCoreTicketsVirginityHard Core Author:Conan O'Brien
“The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.” MenFirstsEyeFunnySexWittyBreastsHer Eyes Author:Conan O'Brien
“Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read.” FirstsBookEnvironmentTreeYeahGlobal WarmingAlsChaptersGoreFinishingNew BooksFinishing Up Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'” FirstsSaidNightHousePresidentWhiteRepublicanResponseCelebrateWhite HousePresident ObamaCeremonyHanukkah Author:Conan O'Brien
“First Lady Michelle Obama appears on 'Sesame Street' to celebrate the show's 40th anniversary. It's going to be a big episode. Yes, sources say the episode gets a little tense when Ernie and Bert ask the first lady why her husband's dragging his feet on gay marriage.” FirstsLittlesShowsBigsAsksFeetStreetsSourceGayHusbandCelebrateEpisodesGay MarriageTenseFirst LadySesame StreetWhy Her40th Anniversary Author:Conan O'Brien
“In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin.” FirstsSaidBookEyeHusbandDemocratLoudPalinNew BooksThank You GodFuture Husband Author:Conan O'Brien
“A comic book publisher says he's trying to increase voter turnout in the presidential election by publishing comic books about John McCain and Barack Obama. Yeah, the publisher said that the election comic books are targeted at first-time voters and long-time virgins.” TryingFirstsLongSaidBookLong TimeFirst TimeIncreaseElectionYeahComicBarackPresidentialVotersPublishingComic BookVirginsPublishersMccainPresidential ElectionVoter Turnout Author:Conan O'Brien
“It was reported today that Michelle Obama wants her mother to move into the White House with them. Yes. This is expected to be the first time Barack uses his veto power.” WantFirstsUseTodayMovingMotherHouseWhiteFirst TimeYeahExpectedBarackWhite HouseVeto Author:Conan O'Brien
