“The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week's interview, Jenner said he's a woman who is transitioning his body from male to female, and he's also a conservative Republican. Bruce said he looks forward to bashing Obamacare as soon as he finishes using it.” LooksSaidStoriesBodyBigsLastsWeekRepublicanFemaleMalesConservativeInterviewsObamacare Author:Conan O'Brien
“People are questioning if Ted Cruz can legally run for president because he was born in Canada. And the last thing we want to do is pave the way for a President Bieber.” PeopleIfsWayWantRunningLastsPresidentBornCanadaQuestioningCruz Author:Conan O'Brien
“Jeb Bush is getting his presidential campaign in gear. Last week he said he supports a path to citizenship for immigrants. He said, 'I believe in an America where hard work and dedication can lead to any job that your brother and dad once had.'” BelieveSaidHardJobsLastsAmericaI BelieveSupportPathWeekBrotherHard WorkDadI Believe InCampaignsPresidentialImmigrantsDedicationCitizenshipGearsYour BrotherPresidential CampaignHard Work And Dedication Author:Conan O'Brien
“A new report says that last year Colorado collected $44 million in marijuana taxes. Unfortunately, they can't remember where they put it.” YearsLastsRememberMillionsTaxesReportsMarijuanaLast YearColorado Author:Conan O'Brien
“Despite the Brian Williams lying scandal, NBC News led in the ratings last week. Although I should note the figures were reported by Brian Williams.” ShouldLastsLyingWeekFiguresNewsNotesDespiteScandalRatingBrianNbcNbc News Author:Conan O'Brien
“The Northeast is being hit with a major snowstorm. Forecasters said they've haven't seen a whiteout like this since last week's Oscar nominations.” SaidLastsWeekHavensMajorsOscarsNominationsSnowstorms Author:Conan O'Brien
“California officials want to contain a measles outbreak that originated in Disneyland last month. They are in luck because everyone who is exposed to it is still in line at Space Mountain.” WantStillsLastsLinesSpaceMonthsMountainLuckCaliforniaOfficialsExposedDisneylandOutbreaksMeasles Author:Conan O'Brien
“At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in that speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading Craigslist personals.” MadeStatesLastsNightReadingPresidentSpeechUnionsAddressesPresident ObamaLast NightTransgenderBisexualCraigslist Author:Conan O'Brien
“Facebook revamped its search feature. Now you can search for any post that has ever appeared on your page. It's helpful if you want to waste time this year remembering exactly how you wasted time last year.” IfsWantYearsLastsRememberWastePagesPostsFeaturesHelpfulWasting TimeLast YearWasted Time Author:Conan O'Brien
“The New York Times reports that Moammar Gadhafi spent his last days hovering between defiance and delusion, surviving on rice and pasta. In other words, Gadhafi spent his last days as a sophomore in college. That's what I did.” LastsNew YorkCollegeReportsDelusionSurvivingRiceDefianceNew York TimesLast DayPastaHoveringSophomore Author:Conan O'Brien
“The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last three Nicolas Cage movies.” LastsThreeFireSecurityMajorsBombsKnivesCagesPipeLapsesTsa Author:Conan O'Brien
“During last night's Republican debate, Mike Huckabee got a big laugh when he said that Congress has been spending money like John Edwards at a beauty salon. Then Huckabee got an even bigger laugh when he said he's running for president” Has BeensSaidBigsRunningLastsNightPresidentLaughingRepublicanBiggerCongressSpendingDebateLast NightMikeSpending MoneySalonsBeauty Salon Author:Conan O'Brien
“In his press conference last night, President Bush said he could not remember a single mistake he had made in the last two years. The president's exact quote was: 'I ain't make none mistakes ever.'” YearsMadeSaidTwoLastsRememberNightPresidentMistakePressesTwo YearsConferencesLast NightPresident BushPress ConferencesOne Mistake Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump is the grandson of German immigrants. Don't worry. The last time a German guy with crazy hair took over a country, everything turned out fine.” CountryLastsGuyWorryCrazyHairFineTrumpImmigrantsLast TimeGrandson Author:Conan O'Brien
“Trump said that he hoped bin Laden suffered a lot. It looks like he got his wish, because the CIA said bin Laden spent his last hour watching 'Celebrity Apprentice.'” LooksSaidLastsWishHoursTrumpCiaBin LadenApprentice Author:Conan O'Brien
“Today Facebook went public, just as Myspace's last user went private.” TodayLastsUsers Author:Conan O'Brien
“Last night's vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin drew much higher ratings than the presidential debate. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah, Biden attracted viewers who enjoyed his previous debate appearances, and Palin attracted viewers who enjoyed the movie 'Fargo.'” KnowsLastsNightHigherYeahVicesAppearanceDebateEnjoyedPresidentialViewersLast NightRatingVice PresidentPalinDid You KnowBidenPresidential DebateFargo Author:Conan O'Brien
“Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden's compound, which explains why bin Laden's last words were, 'Dude... '” LastsFoundPlantMarijuanaLast WordsBin LadenCompounds Author:Conan O'Brien
“During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.” ThinkingMayEndsFactsRunningTogetherLastsPoliticalNightPresidentMarriageGayDebatePlanningExpertsFriendlyAccusedLast NightGay MarriagePresident BushJohn KerryRunning Together Author:Conan O'Brien
“The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army.” IfsSaidWarHelpingGovernmentLastsArmyIraqMinistersCanadaPrimeLast TimePrime MinisterCanadian Government Author:Conan O'Brien
“Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they weren't deciphered until this week.” YearsLastsTroubleWeekRepublicanNegativeTapeLast YearSchwarzenegger Author:Conan O'Brien
“There is some good news for John McCain. According to the latest polls, which came out today, John McCain has started to open up a lead over Barack Obama. This is true. Yeah. The USA Today poll has McCain ahead by ten points. The 'CBS News' poll has the two tied. And the MSNBC poll says that Obama won the election last week.” TwoTodayLastsWeekTenNewsElectionYeahBarackUsaTiedGood NewsPollsMccain Author:Conan O'Brien
“All the major networks declared Barack Obama the winner at 11 last night, except for MSNBC, which declared Obama the winner six months ago.” LastsNightMonthsSixMajorsBarackWinnerSix MonthsLast Night Author:Conan O'Brien
