“Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, 'We really should change the curtains.'” KnowsShouldTryingLongHouseEnergyViewsTalkingMiddleOilFlamesCurtainsSpillsSolar EnergyOil Spill Author:Craig Ferguson
“Pies were invented 12,000 years ago by the Egyptians. It was an easy way to preserve food that would be carried over long distances. They were like ancient Slim Jims.” WayYearsLongWould BeEasyYears AgoDistanceAncientPreservesPieLong DistanceEasy WaySlim Author:Craig Ferguson
“It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.” NeedsLongLawDesireThreeDegreesWorshipLong TimeLawyerSatanThree ThingsBachelors Author:Craig Ferguson
“I felt that, as time went on, an audience gets to know you and in a weird way, you kind of feel like you get to know the audience a little bit. When I'm doing stand-up gigs now, I feel like I'm doing gigs in front of people I know. I think that's the result of doing late-night shows for so long.” PeopleThinkingKindLongAudienceLike You Author:Craig Ferguson
“The only thing that I would say to anyone doing late night shows is - it took me a couple years then - but when you leave the studio, it's over. That's what you really have to do. After a long time, I would be like, "Maybe I shouldn't have said this," or "Maybe I shouldn't have shown this." But eventually, I got to, "Ah, f - k it." That's what it was that night, tomorrow's the next night.” LongNightCoupleLate Night Author:Craig Ferguson
“Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.” LongFearKnowingConflictDivorceLawyerStreamsClientsRevenueDivorcedAfter DivorceHappy DivorceStokeAnger And FearDivorce Lawyers Author:Craig Ferguson
“I didn't flee a dictator or swim an ocean to be an American like some do. I just thought long and hard about it.” LongHardOceanSwimDictator Author:Craig Ferguson
“They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.” MenWayInspirationalLongWould BeFunnyGuyFatherFeltNiceSingingRidingHugBeing NiceSailingBikeLong Way Author:Craig Ferguson
“Insiders say Obama's pretty comfortable around actors. He should be. He has been 'acting' like he was born in Hawaii for a long time.” ShouldLongHas BeensActorsBornActingComfortableLong TimeHawaiiInsiders Author:Craig Ferguson
“I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.” LongMadeStillsHardStoriesAmericaLong TimeAvailableImmigrantsPersecuted Author:Craig Ferguson
“Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.” ChildrenLongWantedSawsMoonLong TimeLandingMoon Landing Author:Craig Ferguson
