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Craig Ferguson Quotes

Talk show host

English biography, 120-180 words

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All People Ifs Funny Thinking Knows Humor Years Night Shows Said Men Mean Want World President Trying Needs Firsts House Long

Famous Craig Ferguson Quotes

“The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the North Pole as their own. Hey, you can't just reach out and take something if you want it, Denmark. That's Russia's job.”

Ifs Want Jobs Bits Trouble Russia Kingdoms Hey Reach Out Hey You Denmark North Pole

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Director Oliver Stone says he's going to make a movie about Vladimir Putin. I can't believe anyone would want to work with that insane communist. And Putin is a little crazy as well.”

Want Believe Wells Littles I Can Crazy Directors Stones Insane Communist Putin

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.”

Want Needs Trying Years Next Jokes Campaigns Romney Next Year

Author:Craig Ferguson

“BP CEO Tony Hayward said recently, 'No one wants this thing over more than I do. I'd like my life back.' Tony, I'm so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I'd buy you a drink, but you'd probably spill that too and make me clean it up.”

Want Said Drink Summer Clean Sorry Ceo Spills I'm So Sorry

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.”

Ifs Knows Want Whole Humor Funny Ritual Cake Candle Germs My Birthday

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.”

Ifs Knows Want Care Trump Birth Reporters Who Cares Certificates Birth Certificate Vaccinations

Author:Craig Ferguson

“During the cold war, West Berlin was an exclave - a tiny outpost of liberalism surrounded by people who want to crush it. It was like Austin, Texas.”

People Want War Cold West Tiny Crush Liberalism Texas Cold War Berlin Austin Austin Texas West Berlin

Author:Craig Ferguson

“That's the thing about terrorism - it works. Especially for the terrorists - they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.”

Want Feels Trying Might Terrorism Terrorist Damn Damn Good

Book:Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

Source: Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel

“Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.”

People Want Wells Causes Ocean Good Times Having A Good Time Cool People

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.”

Want States United United States Tvs Citizenship Allegiance Oath

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping my job. I don't care enough about keeping my job right now. That's good. That makes effective at what I do. I don't want to be frightened of getting fired. So to that end I suppose my ambitions are that I spend less than I earn.”

Want Ends Enough Care Jobs Poor Rich Right Now Ambition Don't Care I Don't Care Frightened I Care My Ambition Getting Fired

Author:Craig Ferguson

“If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.”

People Ifs Want Giving Humor Funny Turns

Author:Craig Ferguson

“At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.”

Want I Can Home House

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one.”

Want Shows Night Late Host Rope Talk Shows Late Night

Author:Craig Ferguson

“I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.”

Want Shows Used Night Guy Talking Opposites Yelling Psych Complete Opposites

Author:Craig Ferguson

About the Author

Born: May 17, 1962
Known for: Talk show host
Quotes: 401

Books & Sources

Between the Bridge and the River: A NovelRelated source material

American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely PatriotRelated source material

Between the Bridge and the RiverRelated source material

Riding the Elephant: A Memoir of Altercations, Humiliations, Hallucinations, and ObservationsRelated source material

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