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Sarah Silverman

Sarah Silverman Quotes

Comedian

Sarah Silverman, born on December 1, 1970, is a renowned American comedian, writer, and director. Known for her unique sense of humor and sharp wit, she has gained widespread popularity with her satirical and self-deprecating style.

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All People Thinking Ifs Funny Humor Comedy Want Knows Jew I Can Feels Mean Kids Stuff Kind Littles Said Way Believe Black

Famous Sarah Silverman Quotes

“If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding.”

Ifs Character Beautiful Succeed

Author:Sarah Silverman

“It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.”

People Ifs Stupid Jokes Really Stupid

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I learned pretty early is I never defend my material; it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.”

People Ifs Materials Offensive Offended Subjective

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I love going to weddings. And I love it when my friends get married. I'm not against marriage but it's just not for me. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't have a problem if you want a hamburger.”

Ifs Want Problem Married My Friends Vegetarian Hamburgers

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.”

Ifs Country Today Involved Married Jew Clubs Joining Getting Married Country Clubs

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I don't think half my stuff would be funny if the audience didn't feel at least a little bit safe that it's not how I truly feel.”

Ifs Thinking Feels Littles Would Be Stuff Bits Half Audience Safe Little Bit

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If I have to write by a certain time, I can pull through, but usually I just let stuff happen, hanging out with comic friends - or bringing a basic idea on stage and seeing if it goes anywhere.”

Ifs Writing I Can Ideas Happens Certain Stuff Seeing Stage Comic Hanging Out Stuff Happens

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.”

Ifs Steps Clean Guarantees Breasts Showers Sparkling Your Boyfriend

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.”

Ifs Should Littles Facts Humor Funny Girl Roles Models Role Models

Author:Sarah Silverman

“She, uh, came out of the closet recently, my niece. Um... She announced to the family that she's a lesbian and... She's seven, did I mention that? And, uh, I don't even know if she knows what a lesbian is, but I support her completely. And, uh... I'll tell you what's heartbreaking. My sister punished her for it. Can you believe that? No pussy for a week. Which to us may not sound like... But when you're seven, you know, a week is a long time.”

Ifs Knows Believe May Long Funny Sound Support Comedy Week Long Time Seven My Sister Closets Heartbreaking Pussy Niece My Niece

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.”

Ifs Knows Humans Mean Use Might Human Beings Planets Sells Versions Cups Tea Cups Of Tea Pussy

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.”

Ifs Knows Humans Mean Body Choices Fighting Abortion Human Body

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture.”

People Ifs Thinking Self Matter Form Differences Perspective Findings Miserable Torture Live Your Life Defining Think Of You Finding Happiness Define Yourself

Author:Sarah Silverman

“People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.”

People Ifs Want Mind Mean Law Nice Promise Summer Letters Jew Silly Gods Will I Promise Cotton

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I do enjoy and feel compelled to talk about things that are taboo. One, because I think I'm a troublemaker inside, if someone says, "Don't say that," it's all I want to say. And also, something I learned in therapy ... which is darkness can't exist in the light, and then that made me think of something that Mr. Rogers said, which is, "If it's mentionable, it's manageable."”

Ifs Thinking Want Feels Made Said Light Enjoy Darkness Therapy Compelled Taboo Roger Manageable Troublemaker

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women's human shells isn't my thang. Though there's probably something funny or interesting to be said about those who do it, and what that comes from.”

Ifs Humans Said Interesting Shells Angle Taboo

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it.”

Ifs Angle Taboo

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.”

Ifs Mean Play Comedy Risk Tables Complaining Flesh Wounds

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I'm not wanting and I don't live in a hovel, but if you keep your costs low, you can do what you want to do creatively.”

Ifs Want Can Do Cost Lows What You Want

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.”

Ifs Thinking Way Trying Ends Character Stuff Seeing Messages Jokes Response Helpful Bottles Teenage Tweet Message In A Bottle 140 Character

Author:Sarah Silverman

“It's just hard to say, "Well, I do this, which means this." If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.”

Ifs Wells Mean Hard Audience Who I Am

Author:Sarah Silverman

“My mom was always someone who if, even now, I say I met a certain famous person, she always says, "She's married to so and so!"”

Ifs Persons Certain Mom Mets Married My Mom

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If I don't do stand-up for two weeks, I get freaked out.”

Ifs Two Week Two Weeks

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.”

Ifs Known Audience Surprise Surprising

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Comedy can't live within my second-guesses, so I started doing new material. Sometimes I bombed. But you have to be willing to if you want to move forward and stay vital. It's like people who take pride in not having a computer. I'm all, "Great, don't learn new things! Your brain is full!"”

People Ifs Want Sometimes Moving Brain Comedy Willing Materials Pride Computer Moving Forward New Things

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.”

Ifs Thinking Wells Comedy Racist Not Afraid Harsh

Author:Sarah Silverman

“Relations between black and white would be greatly improved if we were more accepting of our fears and our feelings and more vocal about it.”

Ifs Feelings Would Be Black White Accepting Relation Black And White Vocal

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If I have kids, I'll adopt.”

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.”

Ifs World Whole Quitting Whole World

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.”

Ifs Thinking Want Humor Care Funny Racism Don't Care I Don't Care Racist

Author:Sarah Silverman

“And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school.”

Ifs Years Art Said Humor School Funny Three Next Deals Pay Comedy Cutting Dad Majors Decided My Dad Quitting Three Years Art And Science Sophomore Sophomore Year

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.”

Ifs Persons Humor Funny Moon Aids Someday

Author:Sarah Silverman

“If my Catholic boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that Mommy is one of God's chosen people, and Daddy believes that Jesus is magic!”

People Ifs Believe Kids Jesus Magic Honest Catholic Chosen Being Honest Daddy

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I'd love to do drama if it was interesting.”

Ifs Interesting Drama

Author:Sarah Silverman

About the Author

Born: December 1, 1970
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 229

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