Tim Vine Quotes

Writer

Tim Vine is a British comedy writer, born on March 4, 1967. Known for his humorous poetry and monologue performances, Vine's work often employs satire and humor to explore everyday life.

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All Funny Humor Said People Vines Blokes Ifs Knows Want I Can Locals Shops Thinking Wells Comedy Giving House Jokes Mum Needs

Famous Tim Vine Quotes

“So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'”

Want Said Humor Funny Certain Amount Glory Locals Ice Shops Cream Ice Cream Trousers

Author:Tim Vine

“So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".”

Want Said Humor Funny Locals Complaints Lumps Onions Supermarkets Vinegar

Book:The (Not Quite) Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book: Children's Edition

Source: The (Not Quite) Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book: Children's Edition

“I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.”

Humor Today Funny Clubs Locals Blokes

Author:Tim Vine

“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'”

Said Humor Funny Depends Calling Locals Swimming Baths

Author:Tim Vine

About the Author

Born: March 4, 1967
Known for: Writer
Quotes: 65

Books & Sources

The (Not Quite) Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book: Children's EditionRelated source material

The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke BookRelated source material

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