“I said, I'm on this TV show and I love doing it, but I don't want to be known always as the silly "Scrubs" guy... So part of me was like, You know what? Life's short. Let's go for it.” KnowsWantSaidShowsGuyKnownTvsLike YouSillyTv Shows Author:Zach Braff
“Being around blind people is always a little frustrating to me because I know they have no idea how handsome I am.” PeopleKnowsLittlesIdeasBlindNo IdeaHandsomeFrustratingBlind People Author:Zach Braff
“I'm a busy guy; I just get a lot of people that sound like me to go out and visit them. They don't know the difference and, let's face it, they aren't going to be paying to see my movies anytime soon.” PeopleKnowsFacesGuySoundDifferencesBusyLike Me Author:Zach Braff
“First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so I said I'd pay her another thousand to lick all that up, too. She started to, but for some reason she started crying as she was doing it, saying, 'I went to college! I have a degree!' Oh man, it was hilarious. I don't know if it was technically sex because I just beat off on her face, but definitely one of my most intense orgasms.” IfsKnowsMenFirstsMadeSaidReasonFacesCoursesSexPayCryCollegeThousandDegreesBeatsDollarsIntenseCracksChestsCrapGross Author:Zach Braff
“I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.” IfsKnowsJesusClearBiggerYeah Author:Zach Braff
“It's not that I think the Nazis were right, or anything. It's just that, we weren't there, we don't know.” ThinkingKnowsNazi Author:Zach Braff
“For me, acting in scenes with other people is like playing soccer with a bunch of legless five year olds. It's not really fair to them, but what else can I do, you know?” PeopleKnowsYearsActingFiveSceneFairsBunchSoccerFive YearsDo You KnowFive Year OldsPlaying Soccer Author:Zach Braff
“I really don't know why we need a whole month dedicated to blacks. It's not like they're the only ones that suffered. I mean, what about us whites? We're the ones that have to deal with these monkeys everyday, but you don't see us demanding a whole month to ourselves.” KnowsNeedsMeanWholeDealsMonthsEverydayDedicatedMonkeys Author:Zach Braff
“Well, I've thought about donating, but they get so many damn donations already. I read about one foundation that raised over 100 million dollars. Well where the hell did that go? For all I know every starving child has a 2 story house by now. Or maybe they're all raging alcoholics, like homeless people. Homeless people who are more effective when it comes to raising money. Who wants to support alcoholic children? Not me.” PeopleKnowsWantWellsChildrenStoriesHouseMillionsSupportHellFoundationDollarsRaisedRageDamnHomelessAlcoholicsStarvingMillion DollarsDonationHomeless PeopleRaising Money Author:Zach Braff
“The thing about all these charities is that who sees where the money goes? I don't and you don't. For all I know, the president of Make a Wish just used all the money to buy himself a mansion and a yacht. That's why I keep all of my money for myself, at least then I know I'm doing good for at least one person for sure.” KnowsPersonsUsedWishPresidentCharityDoing GoodMansionsYachtMake A Wish Author:Zach Braff
“I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?” IfsKnowsWayWantHellFiguresClaimsTrialsLiarsWant MeFudge Author:Zach Braff
“I think a big part of being a success is confidence. Just look at me, I know I'm successful, and I am.” ThinkingKnowsLooksBigsSuccessfulLook At Me Author:Zach Braff
“Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?” KnowsHeartChildrenLongEnoughFeelingsKidsAbleBitsKnowingMy HeartFameCancerLocalsHospitals Author:Zach Braff
“You know how they do that effect in movies, where they make it look like you have a twin, but it's really just the same actor playing both characters in the scene? I knew this would be the best route, but I just wasn't comfortable dressing as a woman, so I had to hire other actors.” KnowsLooksCharacterWould BeActorsKnow HowEffectsLike YouSceneComfortableBeing The BestTwinsRoutesDressings Author:Zach Braff
“I lot of people remember when that kid spray-painted my brand new Porsche for Punk'd. That was pretty funny. He got me pretty good. Of course, most people don't know I eventually got him back with my own show. I call it a show, really it's just an hour-long video shot in my bedroom featuring the two of us.” PeopleKnowsLongTwoShowsKidsRememberCoursesHoursMy OwnShotsVideoBrandsPunkBedroomRemember WhenBrand NewSprayTwo Of UsPorsche Author:Zach Braff
“You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best.” KnowsTryingShowsWinningBitsWatchesSpecialLike MeCompareOlympicsCompetingContestsSpecial Olympics Author:Zach Braff
“It really is fascinating stuff, and I've picked it up on Scrubs. Memorizing lines is at least as hard as studying a text book, I mean, by this point I know about as much as most 'real' doctors.” KnowsMeanBookRealHardStuffLinesStudyDoctorsFascinatingMemorizing Author:Zach Braff
“I mean, I know thousands of people died and everything, but if it happened today, there's just no excuse. They'd be much safer inside a movie theater watching one of my movies instead of burning alive in a collapsing skyscraper.” PeopleIfsKnowsMeanTodayAliveHappenedDiedTheaterExcuseBurningNo ExcusesMovie TheaterSkyscraper Author:Zach Braff
“When I was told they wanted the show to be about doctors, I was a bit reluctant to sign on, you know? I thought, why have a show about doctors when we could have a show about the real heroes, you know, like me?” KnowsRealShowsWantedBitsHeroDoctorsLike MeReluctantReal Heroes Author:Zach Braff
“I'm not saying eating babies should be legal, but when they're so delicious, what's the harm in it? I don't know what tastes better, their innocence or their gooey rib butter.” KnowsShouldBabyTasteEatingHarmInnocenceDeliciousRibs Author:Zach Braff
“I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.” PeopleKnowsGivingShouldMayWantedMy OwnMistakeMeetingsLike MeSpotsSymbolsUpsetParksHonoredHandicaps Author:Zach Braff
“To say I live a cursed life is an understatement. I have to get up every day and work with people who are not as successful as me nor will they ever be as successful as me. Nobody knows the struggles I go through.” PeopleKnowsLife IsStruggleSuccessfulGet UpCursedNobody KnowsUnderstatement Author:Zach Braff
“Ya know, Hitler was this evil, evil man. But with the World Bank and Israel manipulating America, he might have been on to something.” KnowsMenWorldHas BeensMightAmericaEvilIsraelMight Have BeenEvil ManWorld Bank Author:Zach Braff
“I could see why someone would want to make a website about me, and my quotes. They are all gold. How many people have written, directed AND starred in their own movies. I just don't know why they would want to put words into my mouth, I mean I did write, direct AND star in a critically acclaimed movie.” PeopleKnowsWantWritingMeanStarsWrittenMouthsDirectGoldWebsite Author:Zach Braff
“Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?” PeopleKnowsWantNeedsShowsLinesEffortPovertyShapes Author:Zach Braff
“You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.” KnowsOne DayDeserveI RealizedSatDumpDeserve Better Author:Zach Braff
“I know that [Mike] Tyson talked about wanting to eat his opponent's children, but I don't think he ever had the balls to do it. I'm different - when I kidnapped Bill Lawrence's daughter, I cut off all of her fingers before sending my demands so that I wouldn't have to sit there and wait for him to ignore them. We worked things about about nine hours in, which is good because I ate her thumb as a midnight snack.” ThinkingKnowsChildrenDifferentWaitingHoursCuttingDemandDaughterBallsBillsFingersNineOpponentsMidnightMikeThumbsSnacksTysonKidnappedWait For Him Author:Zach Braff
“I've had to remove all mirrors from my home. I just can't seem to look at myself without having to buff the bishop, you know?” KnowsLooksHomeSeemsMirrorsRemoveBishops Author:Zach Braff
“I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them.” PeopleKnowsMenTryingStillsMatterPlayCharacterLinesCommonRolesCommon Man Author:Zach Braff
“You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.” KnowsWantSecretLet MeEugenicsSecret Of My Success Author:Zach Braff
“I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.” KnowsKidsPonderingBradEthiopiaAshtrays Author:Zach Braff
“You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.” PeopleIfsThinkingKnowsWantShouldChoicesAsksJesusObviousCelebrateAsk MeDecember Author:Zach Braff
“I heard about the Dalai Lama, you know and I thought to myself, why not me?” KnowsHeardWhy NotLamaDalai Author:Zach Braff
“I'm sick of people saying I hate blacks, women, and gays. It's false and slanderous. Everyone who knows me knows I hate the Chinese.” PeopleKnowsHateGaySickI HateChineseKnow Me Author:Zach Braff
“They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?” IfsKnowsDoeMatterStaringDoes It Matter Author:Zach Braff
“I know I probably should be sad about my mother's cancer... but she still hasn't seen The Last Kiss, you know?” KnowsShouldStillsLastsMotherKissingCancerLast Kiss Author:Zach Braff
“People are always saying bad things about them, but really they think they're just trying to clean up our planet. I'm not saying it's right but, you know, we could all benefit from following that example.” PeopleThinkingKnowsTryingExamplePlanetsBenefitsCleanFollowingBad ThingsOur PlanetSaying Bad Things Author:Zach Braff
“Well I can understand why men want it to be legal. Obviously they're all hoping they might get to marry me someday. I hate to burst their bubble, but they should just give it up now. Zach Braff doesn't sway that way, you know?” KnowsMenWayWantGivingShouldWellsI CanMightHateI HateSomedayBubblesMarry MeWhy Me Author:Zach Braff
“A child's death is really of less value than an adult's. I mean, what could you really accomplish in a year? Not much, and that's not even talking about, you know, pay-wise.” KnowsYearsMeanChildrenValuesPayTalkingWiseAdultsAccomplish Author:Zach Braff
“My mother's a psychologist, my stepfather's a psychologist, my stepmother is a therapist and my dad's a lawyer. So it was all prominent in my life. I don't know anyone who doesn't know someone on some form of prescription medicine.” KnowsFormMotherDadMedicineMy DadLawyerPsychologistTherapistsPrescriptionsProminentStepmothersStepfathers Author:Zach Braff
“In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention.” IfsKnowsBelieveI BelieveReligiousAttentionToo MuchHigherTheaterAtheistWorthyDiscussionReach OutHigher PowerHesitant Author:Zach Braff
