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Black Quotes

“After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.”

Humor Funny Black Wife Fronts Months My Wife Underwear

Author:Chic Murray

“Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

Men Humor Funny Black Walks Party Clothings Embarrassed Another Man Tuxedos

Author:Rita Rudner

“When it comes to racism, you hear people say, "I don't care if people are white, black, purple or green." Hold on, now, purple or green? Come on now, you gotta draw the line somewhere.”

People Ifs Humor Care Funny Black Lines White Racism Draws Green Don't Care I Don't Care Purple

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.”

Looks Humor Light Funny Black Bars Impression Stains Mustard

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.”

Men Looks Humor Funny Black Sock Nerdy Sandals

Author:Rita Rudner

“So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.”

Ifs Giving Persons Humor Funny America Causes Black Rich Destroyed Making Money Brown Feds Get Rich Being Positive

Author:Chris Rock

“That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.”

Ifs Giving Humor Bigs Funny Jesus Sides Black Son Walking Right Now Give Me Died Glad Fats Beer Damn Guts Jerusalem Fries French Fries Cheeseburger

Author:Denis Leary

“One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.”

Book Humor Funny Black One Thing Grumpy Black Books

Author:Dylan Moran

“I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.”

Said Humor Funny Black Streets Chess Arrested Playing Chess

Author:Milton Jones

“Why is it that it's okay to call a white person "mate" yet it's not okay to call a black guy "primate"?”

Persons Humor Funny Guy Black White Okay Mates Primates Not Okay Black Guys

Author:Frankie Boyle

“Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.”

People Knows Way Humor Funny Black Holes Exit Black Hole

Author:Tim Vine

“I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.”

People Shows Humor Reality Would Be Funny Black White Four Neighborhood Hunts Reality Shows Crackers

Author:Zach Galifianakis

“My dad was a complicated man. He was a huge racist, my dad, but he still tried to be a good father, you know? Like, he would tell me that Santa Claus was black - that way, when I found out he didn't exist, it wouldn't be that big a let down.”

Knows Men Way Stills Humor Bigs Funny Found Father Black Huge Dad My Dad Complicated Racist Santa Santa Claus Let Down Good Father

Author:Anthony Jeselnik

“You know how Mexican restaurants always have "border" in the name: Border Grill, Border Cafe. You wouldn't do that to black people: Kunta's Kitchen or Shackles. They don't do it to white people. You don't see the Honkey Grill, the Cracker Barrel... oh, nevermind.”

People Knows Humor Funny Names Black White Know How Borders Kitchen Restaurants Black People Mexican Barrels Shackles Cafes Crackers Nevermind

Author:George Lopez

“Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!”

Firsts May Humor Funny Black Barack Presidential Candidates Mccain Presidential Candidate

Author:George Lopez

“I'm a whitebread cracker. That's my favorite white person slur: "whitebread". The other day, someone came up to me and said, "What's up, whitebread?" And I was like, "That's not even an insult. That's just my race plus a food. I can do that, too, black bean soup! Stay out of this, Asian chicken platter!"”

Persons Said I Can Humor Funny Black Can Do White Race My Favorite Insult Chickens Plus Soup Asian Beans Crackers Slurs

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“Have you heard his new song? 'Cause he thinks he's a black man now.”

Thinking Men Humor Funny Song Causes Black Heard New Songs

Author:Natasha Leggero