Home / Topics / Fun Quotes

Fun Quotes

Browse 9307 quotes about Fun.

Fun Quotes

“Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause ? you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.”

Men Humor Funny Young Girl Fun Gains Female Weight Hot Males Movie Flash Motorcycle Menopause Hot Flashes

Author:John Wayne

“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.”

Funny Purpose Fun Television Sarcastic Purpose Of Life Being Funny Watching Television

Author:David Letterman

“Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so irritating.”

Ifs Helping Use Would Be Funny Success Fun Business Rich Internet Offers Exciting Debt Help Me Mail Get Rich Being Funny Spam Get Rich Quick

Author:Bill Gates

“A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt”

Men Funny Fun Crosses Uncles Aunt Another Man

Book:Mark Twain: The Complete Interviews

Source: Mark Twain: The Complete Interviews

“I know quickly whether a guy is boyfriend material. If I can have a good time doing absolutely nothing with him, then that's boyfriend material for me. Like if we're able to have fun at a gas station. I've had some really good times at gas stations.”

Ifs Knows I Can Able Funny Guy Fun Materials Having Fun Cute Gas Good Times Stations Having A Good Time Boyfriend Absolutely Nothing Gas Stations

Author:Alyson Hannigan

“I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.”

Want Humor Funny Fun Comedy Fronts Late Machines Mad Glasses Bars Too Late Candy Magnifying Eyeglasses Magnifying Glass Candy Bar Vending Machines

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. Because that's the maximum amount of time you can picture yourself having fun in an above-ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would say "The water is only up to here? What do I do now? Throw the ball back to Jimmy? Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?"”

Ifs Looks Long Humor Funny Actors Fun Water Saws Feet Amount Balls Having Fun Seconds Pool Maximum Jimmy Goggles

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. "How the hell did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.”

People Ifs Humor Funny Fun Hell Adults Get Up Having Fun Slides

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking."”

Hard Humor Funny Fun Pay New York Destination Drivers Tourists Hitchhiking

Book:Late night with David Letterman: the book

Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book

“I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.”

Funny Found Fun Pay Known Marriage Taken Settling

Author:Rudyard Kipling

“Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"”

Said Humor Funny Fall Fun Having Fun Chairs They Said Paranoid Getting High

Author:Bill Cosby

“Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.”

Humor Funny Fun Crystals Crystal Meth

Author:Bo Burnham

“Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings.”

Humor Funny Guy Fun Morning Laughing Bed Girlfriend Monkeys Catching Other Guys Kicking Calories Your Girlfriend Midget

Author:Dave Attell

“You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.”

Knows Two Humor Funny Mother Fun Talking

Author:Dave Attell

“I'm a - I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her - the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection...”

Knows Wells Kind Two Humor Light Seems Funny Fun Stuff Clear Five Connections Towns Godmother Light Of My Life

Author:Ellen DeGeneres

“Now don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I like eatin' 'em more... fun to pet, better to chew.”

Humor Funny Fun Animal Pet Ems Animal Love

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Another goal that I have is to learn how to play the ukulele - should be fun - and to stop taking my clothes off for money. But I need money. That is a ridiculous goal. I'm gonna cross that one off. That's stupid.”

Needs Should Play Humor Funny Fun Goal Stupid Clothes Crosses Ridiculous Ukulele Need Money

Author:Kristen Schaal

“People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.”

People Humor Funny Fun Parliament

Author:A. P. Herbert

“Old age is fifteen years older than I am.”

Years Humor Age Funny Fun Aging Old Age Fifteen Old People Young Age Fifteen Years Older People Funny Aging Young And Old Age And Youth Inspirational Age Fifteen Years Old

Author:Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.