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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.”

Ifs Men Humor Funny Fighting Marriage Society Men And Women Stranger

Author:Dave Barry

“We're fighting people that hates our values, they can't stand what America stands for.”

People Humor America Political Values Hate Fighting Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“Stupid National Anthem... Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? "Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit."”

World Looks Kind Doe Two Humor Funny Fighting Animal Stupid Bears Citizens Messages Fruit Stealing Flags Anthem Imitating Wild Animal National Anthem Pineapples Belarus

Author:Bill Bailey

“You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'”

Wells Ends Humor Funny Fighting House Energy Stupid Negative Dating Disappear Rings Spoons Drawers Negative Energy Napkins Funny Dating

Author:Adam Ferrara

“In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.”

Men Home Humor Funny Lasts Fighting Laughing Months Jokes Tough Died Competition Outsiders Milwaukee

Book:The Benchley Roundup

Source: The Benchley Roundup

“It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.”

Hard Humor Funny Fighting

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match "It's a fight to the finish". That's a good place to end.”

Ends Humor Funny Fighting Saws Advertising Boxing Good Place Hbo Boxing Matches

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club.”

Giving Firsts War Reason Humor Funny Remember Fighting Next Left Clubs Ads Next Time Just Do It

Author:Dennis Miller

“A kiss is like a fight, with mouths.”

Humor Funny Fighting Kissing Mouths

Author:Kristen Schaal