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Humor Quotes

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Humor Quotes

“Thirdly, the explorationists are willing to only move equipment during the winter, which means they'll be on ice roads, and remove the equipment as the ice begins to melt, so that the fragile tundra is protected.”

Mean Humor Moving Political Willing Winter Ice Remove Fragile Protected Equipment Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.”

Made Humor Funny Lasts Night Morning Ice Last Night Good Morning Cubes Sculpting

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“If a drink was ice cold, it would be impossible to drink. Because it would be solid. Here's a drink, Mitch - it's ice cold. I guess I could lick it.”

Ifs Humor Would Be Funny Impossible Cold Drink Ice

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.”

Made Humor Funny Lasts Night Ice Last Night Sculptors Cubes

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.”

Men Stills Body Humor Government Funny Hate Lines Alive Police Rap Ice Reports Rapper Dead Man Vanilla Chalk Biggie

Author:Chris Rock

“There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."”

Knows Men Said Humor Funny Rooms Sitting Ridiculous Ice Dining Dining Rooms

Author:Frank Carson

“I kinda expected to turn the bottle and see a recipe. "So that's how you make ice cubes. Apparently you just freeze this stuff. Oh, but you need a tray. That's how they trick you into it."”

Needs Humor Funny Turns Stuff Expected Tricks Ice Bottles Recipes Freeze Cubes Trays

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor's something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish and pennies - you've got to draw a line there.”

Mean Humor Funny Lines Draws Complicated Ice Cream Flavor Ice Cream Pennies Bananas Chunks Goldfish Fudge Caramel Cheddar

Author:Marc Maron

“I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."”

Ifs Men Humor Funny Waiting Ice If I Could Lakes Old Man Skating Ice Skating

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'”

Want Said Humor Funny Certain Amount Glory Locals Ice Shops Cream Ice Cream Trousers

Author:Tim Vine

“Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.”

Men Humor Funny Lying Found Police Ice Covered Cream Ice Cream Vans Lying On The Floor

Author:Tommy Cooper

“In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.”

Ifs Humor Funny Ice Over It Whiskey Painkillers

Book:Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed

Source: Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed

“I like to skate on the other side of the ice.”

Humor Funny Sides Ice Skates

Author:Steven Wright