“I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.” PeopleWantGivingLooksHumorFunnyBabyWalkingPlanesCuteKeep GoingCute Baby Author:Ellen DeGeneres
“Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.” TwoHumorFunnyLastsGuyWeekWalkingCemeteryShovelsTwo Guys Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.” DoeMadeHumorWantedFunnyComedyWalkingActressesMade ItMy SisterHalfwayTrailers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"” IfsHumorFunnyStuffTreeWalkingFar AwayInsignificantYelling Author:Mitch Hedberg
“A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary". We weren't that intense, we called ourselves "Injured". Later on we changed it to "Acapella" when we were walking out of the pawn shop.” HumorFunnyNamesChangedWalkingBandIntenseShopsInjuredPawnsRigorWalking OutRigor MortisMortuaryPawn Shops Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.” IfsHumorWould BeFunnyWalkingSidewalkWalkers Author:Mitch Hedberg
“That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.” IfsGivingHumorBigsFunnyJesusSidesBlackSonWalkingRight NowGive MeDiedGladFatsBeerDamnGutsJerusalemFriesFrench FriesCheeseburger Author:Denis Leary
“God doesn't seem to talk to people like he used to. Who's he talking to now? I don't know. Then I'm walking down the street in Manhattan one day, and I realize maybe it's those guys you see walking down the street talking to themselves. You know, those guys that are like, 'I can't! No, I can't!' Maybe the other side of that conversation is God going, 'You're the new leader.' 'No I can't!' They're not crazy - they're reluctant prophets.” PeopleKnowsI CanHumorSeemsFunnyUsedGuySidesRealizingTalkingLeaderCrazyStreetsWalkingOne DayConversationProphetManhattanReluctant Author:Marc Maron
“I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.” TwoHumorFunnyTreeWalkingLodgesTwo Trees Author:Bill Engvall
“My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"” YearsTwoHomeHumorFunnyGirlBehindsBoysSawsFeetSonWalkingYeahSizeMy SonGenesTwelveShut UpGiftedWalking Home Author:Bill Engvall
“I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.” IfsIdeasHumorFunnySkyWalkingMoonFellowsStrangerEveningNo Idea Author:Chic Murray
“I'm walking out my door to get like a Snapple, and someone's like 'yo man, you want to buy some heroin?' 'No... got any Snapple?'” MenWantHumorFunnyDoorsWalkingHeroinWalking Out Author:Mike Birbiglia
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.” PeopleHumorFunnySawsTreeFrontsWalkingShadowStandingWoodsCandleRabbits Author:Steven Wright