Quotessence
Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Related topics

FunnyWittyHumorIfsMenPeopleInspirationalKnowsThinkingSarcasticLifeStupidChildrenWayWantInsaneProfoundShouldFirstsPowerfulAmericaSaidGivingWorldTwoSarcasmYearsSexLaughterWellsGodBookKidsAgeWritingLongMadeComedyFoodMeanTryingBabyComedianLittlesLoveMayLooksMindNamesPoliticalMarriageRepublicanAirlineDemocratDrinkingFactsHumansParentingPersonsDoeNeedsThreeBeerEnglandHandsHilariousMusicNew YorkAir TravelEnoughI CanIdeasPartyPoliticsStillsFunny LifeKindBelieveDoctorsDrinkHas BeensProblemWarFunInspirationRussiaDiesJapanNextPhonesSchoolStatesYoungCountryFeelsHelpingLastsLawyerMightMoneymore

Humorous Quotes

“Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money.”

IfsWantGivingDoeCareHoursReturnTaxesHumorousDollarsTechniqueEnormousAgentsSweatMailDocumentsAccountingOverlookedIrsTax ReturnsArmpitsRefundsDoes He Care
Author:Dave Barry
Create image

“Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter - for they had a machine, a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside it, for it was all they had - first they saved up all their atoms, then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine.”

IfsFirstsMatterDreamCareSchoolTogetherEvilStarsBitsWhitePerfectBehindsSunTroubleInfluenceFineFitMoonSpringHumorousMachinesGreenSavedAtomsGearsGloomIndustriousSpatsVatAntimatter
Book:The Cyberiad
Create image

“My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, And his eyes are lit with laughter. He is jubilant as a flag unfurled - Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him. My own dear love, he is all my world - And I wish I'd never met him.”

WorldEyeCareGirlStrongWishMy OwnForgetSweetMetsLaughterHumorousGoldDearRingsHis EyesFlagsLitChimesForget HimDear Love
Book:Not So Deep as a Well
Create image

“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”

MatterStatesCareFunnyIndividualNationsInterestPartyRaceGroupsPlanetsHumorousUnionsSpeciesWittyClubsImprovementTreasureLocalsNeighborhoodSarcasticAssociationDespiseCommitteesLoathe
Book:Brain Droppings
Create image