Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.”

Source: THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY

“It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.”

Humor Inspiration Funny Order Cities Humorous Witty Unhappy Relative Cousin Kansas Kansas City City Walls

Author:Groucho Marx

“Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!”

Years Humor Funny Order Middle Humorous Criticism Let Me Critics Israel Oil East Spots Desert Middle East Israeli Moses Oil Industry

Author:Golda Meir

“Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.”

Needs Funny Order Music Cases Air Humorous Function Hot Constant Lawyer Clarinet Hot Air Mouthpiece

Author:Victor Borge

“Okay everybody, line up in alphabetical order according to your height.”

Order Lines Humorous Okay Profound Insane Height Alphabetical Order

Author:Casey Stengel

“I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.”

Should Funny Order Fighting Humorous Negotiation Bargaining

Book:Churchill speaks: Winston S. Churchill in peace and war : collected speeches, 1897-1963

Source: Churchill speaks: Winston S. Churchill in peace and war : collected speeches, 1897-1963

“Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.”

Reason Age Funny Night Order Humorous Wake Up Eighty Steak Blenders

Author:Bob Hope

“Babies are equipped at birth with a number of instinctive reflexes and behavior patterns that cause them to spend their first several years trying to kill themselves. If your home contains a sharp, toxic object, your baby will locate it; if your home contains no such object, your baby will try to obtain one via mail order.”

Source: Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home