Best humorous & pay Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.”

Knows Mind Might Funny Sleep Pay Humorous Never Sleep

Book:Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].

Source: Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].

“Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.”

America Pay Liberty Progress Taxes Humorous Profound Average Insane Wages Taxation Income Tax Irs Tax Day Paying Taxes Taxes Funny Property Taxes

Author:H. L. Mencken

“Back in the late '90s, I put together a humorous newsmagazine program called 'The Awful Truth' for Bravo. We helped one guy get an organ transplant whose insurance company had refused to pay. I thought, if we could save a guy's life in a 10-minute segment on cable, what could we do if we devoted a whole movie to a whole bunch of people?”

People Ifs Whole Together Guy Pay Company Minutes Late Humorous Program Bunch Awful Organs Devoted Cables Insurance Companies Transplants Bravo Organ Transplant

Author:Michael Moore

“A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.”

“Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.”

Problem Funny Happiness Money Pay Study Laughter Research Humorous Investment Witty Saving Staff Salary Savings Market Research Money Talks Study Group

Author:Bill Vaughan

“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.”

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“The invention of the teenager was a mistake. Once you identify a period of life in which people get to stay out late but don't have to pay taxes - naturally, no one wants to live any other way.”

People Way Want Inspirational Children Pay Mistake Growing Up Periods Taxes Late Humorous Parenting Invention Teenager Teens Adolescence Being A Teenager

Author:Judith Martin

“If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.”

Ifs Way Humor Pay Self Esteem Humorous Compliment Payment Compliments You

Author:Mark Twain

“First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don't come, I choose the ones that pay the rent.”

Ifs Firsts Funny Actors Pay Acting Roles Humorous Theatre Mediocrity Mediocre Great Actors Film Actors Theatre Actors Actors And Acting Acting From Actors

Author:Michael Caine

“The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis.”

Funny Actors Pay Acting Benefits Humorous Principal Psychoanalysis Great Actors Best Acting Theatre Acting Theatre Actors Actors And Acting Acting From Actors Famous Actor

Author:Marlon Brando

“You ask my advice about acting? Speak clearly, don't bump into the furniture and if you must have motivation, think of your pay packet on Friday.”

Ifs Thinking Funny Motivation Actors Asks Speak Pay Acting Advice Humorous Theatre Friday Furniture Think Of You Bumps

Author:Noel Coward

“If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.”

Ifs Use Funny Pay Advice Humorous Miracle Counseling

Author:Jack Adams

“The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.”

Funny Passion Money Common Pay Humorous Tables Luck Gambling Nevertheless Gamble Gaming Roulette

Book:The Collected Works of George Bernard Shaw: Plays, Novels, Articles, Letters and Essays: Pygmalion, Mrs. Warren’s Profession, Candida, Arms and The Man, Man and Superman, Caesar and Cleopatra, Androcles And The Lion, The New York Times Articles on War, Memories of Oscar Wilde and more

Source: The Collected Works of George Bernard Shaw: Plays, Novels, Articles, Letters and Essays: Pygmalion, Mrs. Warren’s Profession, Candida, Arms and The Man, Man and Superman, Caesar and Cleopatra, Androcles And The Lion, The New York Times Articles on War, Memories of Oscar Wilde and more

“I will tell you this: I will not raise taxes on the middle-class to pay for these programs.”

Pay Class Middle Stupid Taxes Humorous Program Raises Middle Class

Author:William J. Clinton

“But I'm saying we are loosing the people who are going to pay my social security. And that bothers me.”

People Social Pay Security Stupid Humorous Bother Social Security

Author:Joycelyn Elders

“Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago, that the pay is lousy and the career ladder nonexistent.”

Mother Pay Moral Careers Century Humorous Feminist Motherhood Ladders Being A Mom Pedestal Shrinking Brash

Author:Barbara Ehrenreich

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Humorous Quotes