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Members Quotes

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Members Quotes

“Well, Harry Reid and other members of congress, they're just furious over this Olympic uniform deal. He says we should burn the uniforms, and it's an embarrassment and a disgrace. Not as embarrassing as congress constantly borrowing money from the Chinese, but still embarrassing.”

Should Wells Stills Funny Deals Members Congress Chinese Uniforms Olympics Embarrassing Disgrace Embarrassment Furious Borrowing London Olympics Borrowing Money

Author:Jay Leno

“Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'”

Ifs Mean Funny Fiction Speech Members Paper Humorous Pleasant Papers

Book:The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

Source: The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

“I ordered a club sandwich, but I'm not even a member. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread." "Well, so do I!" "Then let's form a club." "OK, but we need some more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again. Yes, four triangles, arranged in a circle, and in the middle we will dump chips." "How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em!" "Well, this club is formed."”

Needs Feels Wells Humor Funny Form Three Pieces Four Cutting Middle Members Clubs Circles Bread Ems Chips Sandwiches Dump Triangles Toothpicks Stipulations

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.”

Humor Funny Bits Term Limits Members Vote Asking Congress Chickens Incumbents Colonels Term Limits

Author:Bob Inglis

“Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God').”

Sometimes Humor Funny Known Members Call Me

Author:Anthony Sampson

“The house of Lords must be the only institution in the world which is kept efficient by the persistent absenteeism of most of its members.”

World Humor Funny House Lord Members Institutions Efficient Persistent House Of Lords

Author:Herbert Samuel, 1st Viscount Samuel

“Mr. Speaker. I said the honorable member was a liar it is true and I am sorry for it. The honorable member may place the punctuation where he pleases.”

May Said Humor Funny Please Members Sorry Liars Speakers Honorable Punctuation I Am Sorry Am Sorry

Author:Richard Brinsley Sheridan

“I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.”

Thinking Should Humor Funny Walks Members Casts Twilight Closets Cast Members

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.”

Way Humor Funny Members Organization Terrorist Violent Department Laundry Non Violent Catering

Author:Bill Bailey

“I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm not a Republican. I'm not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.”

Humans War Humor Funny Human Beings White Party Support Wonderful Republican Members Rational Inclusion Troops

Author:David Cross

“You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!”

Knows Important Humor Funny Decision Half Strange Couple Members Lonely Intelligent Sane Organisms Strange Things

Author:Dylan Moran

“You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.”

Knows I Can Humor Funny Half Magic Members Very Good Circles Tricks

Author:Tim Vine

“Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.”

Humor Funny Members Gum

Author:George Lopez

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

Life Humor Funny Members Humorous Witty Clubs Refuse Comedian Joining Membership Annie Hall

Author:Groucho Marx

“I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.”

People Humor Inspiration Care Funny Accepting Members Clubs Don't Care Like Me I Don't Care Funny Inspirational

Author:Groucho Marx

“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”

Funny Political Politics Party Members Democrat Organized Political Parties Pumpkin Political Will Politics Funny Political Jokes

Author:Will Rogers

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.”

“I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.”

Persons Funny Members Humorous Witty Clubs Like Me Cynicism Altruism

Author:Woody Allen