Quotessence
Home / Authors / Ambrose Bierce
Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Journalist

Filter quotes by topic

AllMenSciencePersonsHumourKindTwoFoodCulinaryLifeWorldCookingFunnyThinkingArtHumorKnowsLiteratureIfsKnownStates

Famous Ambrose Bierce Quotes

“TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.”

MenHomeSidesTakenJudgingMurderCookingCourtNeighborShouldersCooksInstructionAccusedSlanderInferenceTechnicalitiesCleaver
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)
Create image

“EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.”

StillsReligiousFiveFoodThousandMembersHundredSacredCookingCulinaryControversyDisputesSectsEucharistReligious Sects
Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Create image

“FRYING-PAN, n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution, a woman's kitchen. The frying-pan was invented by Calvin, and by him used in cooking span-long infants that had died without baptism; and observing one day the horrible torment of a tramp who had incautiously pulled a fried babe from the waste-dump and devoured it, it occurred to the great divine to rob death of its terrors by introducing the frying-pan into every household in Geneva. Thence it spread to all corners of the world, and has been of invaluable assistance in the propagation of his sombre faith.”

WorldLongHas BeensUsedDivineOne DayWasteDiedInstitutionsCookingTerrorCornersSpreadHorribleKitchenCulinaryIntroducingHouseholdAssistanceTormentEmployedInfantObservingBabeBaptismDumpInvaluableGenevaTrampsFryingPropagationCorners Of The WorldFrying Pans
Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
Create image

“EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'”

SaidEnjoyHoursRoomsFoodEatingFunctionCookingDinnerDrawingCulinaryInterruptedAnecdotesEating Dinner
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)
Create image

“MANNA, n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil, fertilizing it, as a rule, with the bodies of the original occupants.”

BodyGivenFoodOriginalsDown AndCookingSoilWildernessCulinary
Book:Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs
Create image