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Ambrose Bierce Quotes

Journalist

Ambrose Bierce was an American journalist, satirist, and editor, renowned for his sharp wit and dark humor. He is best known for his satirical novel 'The Devil's Dictionary' and his short stories. Bierce was born on June 24, 1842, and his exact date of death remains unknown, as he disappeared during the American Civil War.

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Famous Ambrose Bierce Quotes

“Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.”

Humor Positive Errors Mistakes Certainty Satire Self Assurance Assertions

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”

Humor Hope Fear Nature Ignorance Daughter

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Man, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably out to be. His chief occupation is the extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.”

Humor Science Human Definitions

Book:The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary

“Bride, n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”

Humor Happiness Marriage Satire Brides Matrimony

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.”

Humor Satire Apologies Offences

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“SAINT, n. A dead sinner revised and edited.”

Humor Funny Myth Legends Fables Revision Definition Revisionist

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.”

Humor Philosopher Delusion Lunatics

Book:The Collected Writings of Ambrose Bierce

Source: The Collected Writings of Ambrose Bierce

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”

Humor Taste Sarcasm Egotism

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”

Humor Universe Definition

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

Humor Belief Knowledge Evidence Definitions

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”

Humor Sacred Scripture Irony Scriptures Profane False Holy Book Holy Religion

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something he can see and feel.”

Humor Worship Senses Folly Heathen Creature

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for advantage of the lawyers.”

Humor Funny Homicide

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

Source: Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)

“Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.”

Humor Funny Law Religion Universe Asks Prayer Atheism Praying Behalf Unworthy

Book:The Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Devil's Dictionary

“What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.”

Believe Country Humor Funny Politics Party Politician Republican Humorous Democrat Ruins Ruined

Book:The Ambrose Bierce satanic reader: selections from the invective journalism of the great satirist

Source: The Ambrose Bierce satanic reader: selections from the invective journalism of the great satirist

“Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

Humor Funny Happiness Joy Misery Happy Sensations Contemplating What Is Happiness Misery And Pain

Book:Tales of Soldiers and Civilians: and Other Stories

Source: Tales of Soldiers and Civilians: and Other Stories

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

Humor Government Care Funny Form Political Civilization Republican Office Honored Forms Of Government Exemption

Author:Ambrose Bierce

“Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.”

Humor Literature Intellectual Leaving Wit Salt Native American Spoil Humorists Cookery

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.”

Way Humor Funny Moving Literature Crime Property Criminals Mysterious Mysterious Ways Crime And Criminals Criminals Crime

Book:Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs

Source: Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs

“I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.”

Said Humor Funny Politics Party Republican Humorous Drinking Democrat

Author:Ambrose Bierce

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.”

Humans Heart Character Humor Funny Integrity Activity Diversity Dues Ass Pigs Tigers Human Heart Nightingales

Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

Source: The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary

“NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.”

Knows Love Doe Humor Funny Know How True Love Neighbor

Book:The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World

Source: The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World

“AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.”

Has Beens Country Humor Funny Lying Sea Development South Islands Australia Continents Unfortunate Disputes Retarded Geographers

Book:The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World

Source: The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World

About the Author

Born: June 24, 1842
Died: 1914
Known for: Journalist
Quotes: 1022

Books & Sources

The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil WorldRelated source material

The Unabridged Devil's DictionaryRelated source material

Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)Related source material

The Devil's DictionaryRelated source material

Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and Memoirs: The Devil's Dictionary, Tales, and MemoirsRelated source material

The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Large Bold EditionRelated source material

The Devil's Dictionary: Easyread Super Large 18pt EditionRelated source material

A Cynic Looks at LifeRelated source material

The Best Of Ambrose Bierce: The Damned Thing + An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge + The Devil's Dictionary + Chickamauga (4 Classics in 1 Book)Related source material

The Devil's Dictionary: Complete & UnabridgedRelated source material

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