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Ambrose Bierce

Ambrose Bierce Quotes

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Famous Ambrose Bierce Quotes

“HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.”

PersonsHas BeensTwoNamesVoiceKnownTearsDrawsBirdJewFavorsDietsRemarkableServingMelodyAppetiteArticlesCagesChorusResemblanceDelicacyHogFowl
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)
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“PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic. The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed "Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.”

StatesViewsQualityKnownFeetStyleElementsPerfectionLettersAgreeExcellenceCriticsMagazinesEditorsAttributesImaginaryPointingDistinguishedMatthew
Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
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“Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy.... Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one-the knowledge and the dream.”

TwoDreamPastMovingJoyLinesDarkKnownPeriodsSorrowEternityDisappointmentProsperityYesterdayDivisionImaginaryAcquaintanceFractionsMorrow
Book:The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World
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“Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.”

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Book:The Devil's Dictionary
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“POTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine. Upon nothing has so great and diligent ingenuity been brought to bear in all ages and in all countries, except the most uncivilized, as upon the invention of substitutes for water. To hold that this general aversion to that liquid has no basis in the preservative instinct of the race is to be unscientific-and without science we are as the snakes and toads.”

SaidCountryAgeScienceSufferingWaterNaturalRaceKnownHumourBearsBasesMedicineDrinkingInstinctInventionCulinarySubstitutesDisorderThirstSnakesLiquidIngenuitySuitableAversionDiligentDrinking WaterToadsBeveragesUncivilized
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)
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“BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis, who wrote in the tenth century, avers that he grew up out of the ground where a priest had spilled holy water. It is known that Arimaxus was derived from a hole in the earth, made by a stroke of lightning. Leucomedon was the son of a cavern in Mount Etna, and I have myself seen a man come out of a wine cellar.”

MenFirstsMadeEarthScienceWaterBornKnownCenturyHumourSonGrewBirthHolyGrew UpStonesWineDisasterHolesBlockEggsPriestsLightningStrokesSkullsUniformityCellarsCavernsHoly Water
Book:The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary
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“PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.”

ChristianReligionChurchKnownProgressFieldsFineOfficialsFoundersPalacesChristian ChurchResidence
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)
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