“I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.” ThinkingLongHumorFunnyBitsShotsPropertyCirclesTricksCropsWheatSpaceshipsCorrespondingLong ShotsVelcro Author:Bill Bailey
“The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.” NeedsSaidHumorFunnyBitsHarderMeatEggsChefWrapsScottishScotchSnacksTasty Author:Bill Bailey
“You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey, the so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing. Not to be confused with the Ukrainian hunting spider, which actually has got a limp and is, as such, completely harmless, and a little bit bitter about the whole thing.” LittlesWholeHumorFunnyOrderThreeBitsLittle BitPhilosophicalRemainsLegsEightPityBitterConfusedHuntingSpidersPreyConvincingSquirrelsVenomUkrainianSamaritans Author:Bill Bailey
“I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.” StuffBitsBirdDecentPairsBottlesBikeChampagneGucciLoafersShowyBinocularsBird Watching Author:Bill Bailey
“Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.” IfsKnowsLittlesBitsPlansTelevisionLittle BitAppearanceOddGigs Author:Bill Bailey
“Joke number 1, I have a bit of a problem with jokes, bit of a handicap for a comedian obviously, um, I tend to bail out of the joke, I lose commitment in it, I'll give you an example: Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.” GivingLittlesWholeProblemThreeBitsLosesNumbersStupidExampleSceneLittle BitJokesCommitmentComedianTediousInevitabilityPubsHandicapsBlokesBail Author:Bill Bailey
“Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.” LittlesWholeThreeBitsStupidSceneLittle BitTediousInevitabilityPubsBlokes Author:Bill Bailey
