“You never know what people will choose to be offended by.” PeopleKnowsOffended Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.” PeopleThinkingHandsToo MuchPranks Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.” PeopleIfsShowsPicksHittingRemote Control Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'” PeopleLooksWaitingAnswersWalksMinutesCoupleHusbandLook UpApartmentCeilingsUpstairsLandlord Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.” PeopleGivingPoliticalOpinionMinutesClaimsComedianBeing Funny Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.” PeopleIfsKnowsYearsHas BeensSometimesCenturyImitation Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.” PeopleIfsLooksI CanCountryHomeBigsPerfectFiveMinutesCarWindowLondonBusTowersFive MinutesPalacesBuckingham Palace Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.” PeopleLittlesI CanDoneShowsFightingOne ThingRedDoctorsScientistCreditAidsShow BusinessAdvancementRibbonsRed Ribbon Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.” PeopleImportantComedyTheoryImportant Things Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.” PeopleJoySportsHurtWatchesLaughingOffendedGood Sports Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.” PeopleUsedJokesExplaining Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.” PeopleThinkingKnowsLastsSidesAirSittingTablesSatNecksConditioningSupperAir ConditioningLast Supper Author:Gilbert Gottfried
“I've never understood people who say they're not a practicing Jew. You never hear a black guy say he's not a practicing African-American. What does it even mean?” PeopleMeanDoeGuyBlackUnderstoodJewAfrican AmericanBlack Guys Book:Rubber Balls and Liquor Source: Rubber Balls and Liquor
“If you're a lead actor, people are just waiting to say 'you're too old' or 'you're too unhip.' If you're a supporting actor, you can just work forever.” PeopleIfsActorsWaitingForeverSupporting Actors Author:Gilbert Gottfried
