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Related Quotes
“Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.”
“Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.”
“Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.”
“The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.”
“The most interesting hipsters are ones who stop being hipsters.”
“They say men have a sexual thought every 20 seconds. The other 19 are shame.”
“If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married.”
“I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.”
“If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?”
“They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops.”
“Somebody stole my identity. Good luck using it without the medications.”
“If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.”