Quotessence
Home / Authors / Jay Leno
Jay Leno

Jay Leno Quotes

Comedian

Filter quotes by topic

AllPresidentSaidKnowsIfsPeopleTodayPresident BushThinkingPresident ObamaYearsFirstsWantJohn KerryGuyJobsMenWellsWhiteClintonHouse

Famous Jay Leno Quotes

“This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.”

PeopleWellsSaidReasonFeelingsHateHouseCan DoWhiteWeekIncreaseBackgroundsChecksOfficialsNo ReasonWhite HouseDislikeVisitorsArabiaSaudi ArabiaSaudisAnti-americanBackground Checks
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“The federal government said today they've begun training sessions for airport security workers to provide what they call more customer satisfaction to the travels, they want to make it easier for us. They're instructing security guards to glance at your luggage tags so that they can call you by your first name. Isn't that creepy? The guy touching your wife, calling her by her first name.”

WantFirstsSaidGovernmentTodayGuyNamesWifeSecurityEasierCallingTrainingWorkersSatisfactionCustomersTouchingFederal GovernmentGlancesAirportsSessionCreepyTagCustomer SatisfactionLuggageSecurity GuardsAirport Security
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was born in Washington, D.C. and his father's a lawyer. Well, that explains it. ... He surrendered to authorities and said he wants to go back to his old job - airline security guard.”

MenWantWellsHas BeensSaidJobsMotherFightingFatherBornSecurityAuthorityLawyerAfghanistanTroopsAirlineTalibanSecurity GuardsOld JobAirline Security
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they're going to need are Spanish, Chinese, Korean, because that's where the jobs went. Who better than Bush as an example of what can happen when you take a job without any training.”

NeedsSaidHappensJobsPresidentCenturyExampleSkillsTrainingWorkersChinese21st CenturyPresident BushKoreanNew JobAmerican WorkersNew Skills
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“In his annual economic report to Congress President Bush said that the transfer of American jobs overseas is actually part of a positive transformation that will enrich the U.S. economy over time. So basically, losing your job to someone else can be a good thing. Of course we'll see how he feels about that in November.”

FeelsSaidJobsCoursesPresidentEconomyEconomicLosingTransformationGood ThingsCongressReportsPresident BushNovemberTransfersAnnualsAmerican Jobs
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,' that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'”

MaySaidStoriesShowsBigsTodayRememberGuyHousePresidentWhiteRecordsSeeingDrunkWhite HouseOfficersPresident BushOctoberRemember MePayrollNational Guard
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else.”

PeopleWantShouldMeanMadeSaidEnoughStoriesDreamWantedPresidentChildhoodMedicineClintonAthleteHospitalsAthleticAstronautChildhood DreamsOlympic Athlete
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“U.N. officials said today they desperately need $7 billion to help people cope with disasters, but they're having a hard time getting people to send rescue money. Here's what the UN should do: Invest in bad mortgages, run a bank into the ground, give yourself a bonus, get some spa treatments and, in no time, the government will send you $750 billion.”

PeopleNeedsGivingShouldSaidHardHelpingGovernmentRunningTodayBillionsDisasterOfficialsHard TimesTreatmentRescueMortgageBonusHaving A Hard TimeSpas
Author:Jay Leno
Create image

“I watched that new reality show on ABC with Charlie Gibson, 'America's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, what an exciting show that is! Did you see Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson? Did you all watch that? In fact, John McCain was watching it at home, and at one point, he turned to his wife and said, 'She looks really familiar.'”

LooksSaidFactsShowsHomeRealityAmericaNextPresidentWatchesWifeExcitingVicesFamiliarInterviewsCharlieVice PresidentMccainPalinReality Shows
Author:Jay Leno
Create image