“I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it”
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Famous Jimmy Carr Quotes
Source: Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?
“The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.”
“Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.”
“It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.”
Source: Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?
“If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?”
“Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.”
Source: Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?
“I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing.”
“Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.”
“I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said 'It's nice to see so many bums on seats.'”
“My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."”
“I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.”
“My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident.”
“No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea.”
Source: Only Joking: What's So Funny About Making People Laugh?
“I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.”