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Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable Guy Quotes

Comedian

Larry the Cable Guy, whose real name is Daniel T. Moore, is an American comedian, voice actor, and writer. Known for his distinctive humor style and exaggerated accent, he has gained widespread recognition for his roles in comedy movies and television shows. Born on February 17, 1963, Larry the Cable Guy's career began in the 1990s and gained significant popularity in the early 2000s.

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Famous Larry the Cable Guy Quotes

“I know I don't want to take the Lord's name in vain, and I don't want to drop any F-bombs.”

Knows Want Names Lord Vain Bombs

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“When I started doing my act, I wasn't married and didn't have kids. I was probably 29 years old. Some people say that's not a kid, but when you're 50, and you look back to when you were 30, you were a kid. You look back on your 30s and think, "I was an idiot!" But I would just do things then I thought were funny. I couldn't have cared less who thought anything about it.”

People Thinking Years Looks Kids Married Idiot

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“As I get older, the character evolves tremendously because I'm married and have kids now and realize certain things are not funny anymore. I threw them out of my act.”

Character Kids Certain Realizing Married Evolve

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“When I look at my audience, I can tell better who's in the crowd and the kind of joke I shouldn't do. It's just complicated. I guess I sift through to make sure these jokes are a little different with not such a harsh edge to them. That's pretty much how I handle the crowd.”

Looks Kind Littles I Can Different Audience Jokes Edges Crowds Complicated Handle Harsh

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“When you're married with kids, you just think differently.”

Thinking Kids Married

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I have thick skin. I'm not a baby. Nothing really offends me. If there's something I think might offend me, I don't listen to it.”

Ifs Thinking Might Baby Skins Thick Thick Skin

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I think everybody is entitled to say whatever they want. I'm not going to call for anybody to be fired. That's not what America is all about.”

Thinking Want America Entitled

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?”

Knows Kids Funny Comedy Baby Newspapers Did You Know Diapers Poop

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Bought a pair of boots the other day, and they was some silicone gel in there. Big red letters said, "Do not eat." Do they really need that stuff in them boots? Is there really some dude opening a pair of boots goin', "Boy, look at them boots. What the hell? I better eat that. I don't know what the hell that is."”

Knows Needs Looks Said Bigs Funny Stuff Boys Hell Comedy Red Letters Opening Pairs Boots

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.”

Sometimes Truck Payment Wrecks

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.”

Lost Drink Wine Diets Pounds Drivers Vegetables License

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil.”

People Ifs I Can Gun Blame Pencils Misspelled Words

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I saw a sign one time that said 'hemorrhoids awareness week' at the doctor's office. Let me tell you, if you got hemorrhoids, I'm sure you are aware of it. You don't need a sign to tell anybody about it.”

Ifs Needs Said Saws Week Awareness Office Doctors Let Me One Time Hemorrhoids

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.”

Looks Shows Degrees Weather July Nashville

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I'm saying, come on, the global warming thing? How did the ice melt during the ice ages? Was the dinosaurs driving SUVs around back then?”

Age Driving Ice Global Warming Dinosaurs Ice Age Suvs

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I'm so sick of gay this, gay that. I could care less. It ain't affecting my life at all.”

Care Gay Sick So Sick Could Care Less

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Our whole wedding cost 180 bucks. Afterward, we re-heated lasagna for everyone and set off fireworks.”

Whole Cost Bucks Fireworks Lasagna

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling”

People Gun Blame Killing Pencils Spelling

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I was madder than a midget with a yo-yo”

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!”

Ifs Men Causes Mines Thirds Quitting Upset Cousin Buddy

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Even after the Super Bowl victory of the New Orleans Saints, I have noticed a large number of people implying, with bad jokes, that Cajuns aren't smart. I would like to state for the record that I disagree with that assessment. Anybody that would build a city 5 feet below sea level in a hurricane zone and fill it with Democrats who can't swim is a genius.”

“I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.”

Parks Trailers Tornadoes Trailer Park Funny Redneck

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“I don't judge people by their accent, or how they word things, or how grammatically correct their speech is. Some of the smartest men in the world couldn't spell. I judge a person by their character.”

People Men World Persons Character Judging Speech Spells Accents

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“He who laughs last, thinks slowest.”

Thinking Lasts Laughing Bumper Bumper Sticker Funny Bumper Sticker Funny One Liner Funny Thoughts

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Remember, half the people you know are below average.”

People Knows Remember Half Average Hard Work Pays Off

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early from work kill people”

People Home Husband Gun Coming Home

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

“We try to make the name longer and longer every year. First, it was 'Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular.' Then it was 'It's a Very Larry Christmas.' Now it's 'Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau.' I'll tell you what it is: It's funny. That's what it is. Who cares what the name of it is? It is a funny special.”

Trying Years Firsts Care Guy Names Special Who Cares Spectacular Cables Larry Hula

Author:Larry the Cable Guy

About the Author

Born: February 17, 1963
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 77

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