Marshall B. Rosenberg Quotes

“NVC is language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things: 1) to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life. 2) to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural. 3) to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving.”

“NVC is a reminder; to focus our attention where we are most likely to get our needs met.”

Needs Attention Focus Communication Mets Reminders Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Natural Giving: Anything we do in life which is not out of that energy, we pay for and everybody else pays for. Anything we do to avoid punishment, everybody pays for. Everything we do for a reward, everybody pays for. Everything we do to make people like us, everybody pays for. Everything we do out of guilt, shame, duty, or obligation, everybody pays for.”

People Giving Energy Natural Pay Duty Communication Shame Guilt Rewards Punishment Obligation Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Needs are the expression of life through us.”

Needs Expression Communication Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Needs are never conflicting. When we say that, we are only saying that at the moment we aren't seeing how both needs can be met. That leaves an opening. When you think in the way I'm suggesting, you'll often find a way to get most needs met simultaneously.”

Thinking Way Needs Moments Seeing Communication Mets Opening Nonviolent Communication Suggesting

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Never hear what a jackal-speaking person thinks, especially what they think about you.”

Thinking Persons Communication Nonviolent Communication Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Not getting our needs fulfilled is painful - but it's a sweet pain, not suffering, which is what comes from life-alienated thinking and interpretation.”

Thinking Needs Pain Suffering Sweet Communication Painful Interpretation Fulfilled Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“People don't make us angry, how we think makes us angry.”

People Thinking Communication Angry Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.”

Needs Doe Remember Effort Communication Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Staying with empathy we allow speakers to touch deeper levels of themselves.”

Levels Communication Empathy Deeper Staying Speakers Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.”

May Important Self Use Compassion Communication Developing Nonviolent Communication Self Compassion

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“The only time a message (label) can scare us is if we think there is such a thing, and that such a thing is a disgrace.”

Ifs Thinking Communication Messages Labels Scare Only Time Disgrace Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“They have most likely said it because they have an unmet need.”

Needs Said Communication Nonviolent Communication Unmet Needs

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“This language is from the head. It is a way of mentally classifying people into varying shades of good and bad, right and wrong. Ultimately, it provokes defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack. It is a language of demands.”

People Way Language Communication Demand Resistance Shade Provoking Good And Bad Nonviolent Communication Defensiveness Classifying

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Understanding and connection can transcend conflict.”

Understanding Communication Conflict Connections Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the needs and values expressed by each part.”

Needs Able Values Communication Embrace Compassionate Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We give empathy to others for our own benefit.”

Giving Communication Benefits Empathy Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We know the speaker has received adequate empathy when a. we sense a release of tension, or b. the flow of words comes to a halt.”

Knows Communication Empathy Flow Release Tension Speakers Adequate Halt Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We never really know what we want until after we get it. If after we get it, it makes life more miserable, we know that isn't what we wanted. If it makes our life wonderful, we know this is a strategy which will meet out need. That's why Paul Tillich, the theologian says we need to sin courageously. You ask for what you want, hoping to meet your needs. If you get it and it makes life worse, you learn that this isn't what I want.”

Ifs Knows Want Needs Wanted Asks Sin Our Lives Wonderful Communication Strategy What You Want Miserable Theologian Want U Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We're not taught to think in terms of needs. We don't make nice dead people when we're in touch with needs. Domination structures cannot maintain themselves when citizens are educated to be alive.”

People Thinking Needs Term Nice Alive Taught Communication Citizens Structure Educated Domination Nonviolent Communication Dead People

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When I am angry I have a judgment and an unmet need.”

Needs Communication Judgment Angry Nonviolent Communication Unmet Needs

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When I recognize I've got anger, then I realize it's because I have a need that's not being met.”

Needs Realizing Communication Mets Being Me Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we listen for their feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters.”

People Needs Feelings Communication Monsters Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When you are in a jackal environment, never give them the power to submit or rebel. We want to teach this to children very early: Never lose track that you are always free to choose. Don't allow institutions to determine what you do.”

Want Giving Children Loses Teach Environment Communication Institutions Track Determine Rebel Submit Nonviolent Communication Jackals

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When you need empathy, you cannot give empathy.”

Needs Giving Communication Empathy Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves.”

Needs Choices Communication Conscious Nonviolent Communication Choices You Make

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“You don't have to be brilliant. It's enough to become progressively less stupid.”

Enough Stupid Communication Brilliant Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“You're going to lose it when you follow the world "feel" with the words "because I think". Any time you are thinking, your chance of getting what you need is greatly decreased, especially when you follow the word "think" with the word "you". I predict you won't only not get heard, but I predict a defensive aggressive reaction.”

Thinking World Needs Feels Loses Chance Heard Communication Reactions Aggressive Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“I have tried to integrate the spirituality into the training in a way that meets my need not to destroy the beauty of it through abstract philosophizing.”

Way Needs Spirituality Training Abstract Integrating

Book:Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication

Source: Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication

“It's really a spiritual practice that I am trying to show as a way of life.”

Way Trying Shows Spiritual Practice Spiritual Practice

Book:Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication

Source: Practical Spirituality: The Spiritual Basis of Nonviolent Communication

“When we listen for feelings and needs - we can see that people who seem like monsters are simply human beings whose language and behavior sometimes keep us from seeing their humanness.”

People Needs Humans Sometimes Feelings Seems Language Human Beings Seeing Behavior Monsters Humanness

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“As radical as it may seem, it is possible to do things only out of play. I believe that to the degree that we engage moment by moment in the playfulness of enriching life- motivated solely by the desire for its enrichment- to that degree are we being compassionate with ourselves.”

Believe May Play Moments Seems Desire I Believe Degrees Radical Motivated Compassionate Enriching Playfulness Enrichment

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Thinking based on who deserves what blocks compassionate communication.”

Thinking Communication Deserve Block Compassionate

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“What bores the listener bores the speaker too.”

Speakers Bores Listeners

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“If people just asked: "Here are the needs of both sides, here are the resources. What can be done to meet these needs?" the conflict would be easy to resolve.”

People Ifs Needs Done Would Be Easy Sides Conflict Resources Resolve Both Sides

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Two questions help us see why we are unlikely to get what we want by using punishment... The first question is: What do I want this person to do that's different from what he or she is currently doing? If we ask only this first question, punishment may seem effective because the threat or exercise of punitive force may well influence the person's behavior. However, with the second question, it becomes evident that punishment isn't likely to work: What do I want this person's reasons to be for doing what I'm asking?”

Ifs Want Firsts Wells May Persons Two Different Reason Helping Seems Asks Force Influence Exercise Behavior Asking Threat Punishment Evident Unlikely

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“You can't make your kids do anything. All you can do is make them wish they had. And then, they will make you wish you hadn't made them wish they had.”

Children Made Kids Wish Can Do Communication Wish You

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We only feel dehumanized when we get trapped in the derogatory images of other people or thoughts of wrongness about ourselves. As author and mythologist Joseph Campbell suggested, "'What will they think of me?' must be put aside for bliss." We begin to feel this bliss when messages previously experienced as critical or blaming begin to be seen for the gifts they are: opportunities to give to people who are in pain.”

People Thinking Giving Feels Pain Opportunity Messages Blame Critical Bliss Trapped Nonviolent Communication Think Of Me Derogatory

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.”

People Believe Pain Suffering Results Violence Deserve Abuse Encouragement Punishment Self Deception Deserving Nonviolent Communication Trickery

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”

Needs Expression Communication Judgment Criticism Anger Tragic Diagnosis Nonviolent Communication Unmet Needs

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values”

Needs Values Expression Criticism Analysis Nonviolent Communication Criticism Of Others

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of these feelings and needs, people lose their desire to attack back because they can see the human ignorance leading to these attacks; instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.”

Source: Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World

“To practice the process of conflict resolution, we must completely abandon the goal of getting people to do what we want.”

People Want Process Goal Practice Conflict Abandon Resolution Conflict Resolution

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“It's never what people do that makes us angry; it's what we tell ourselves about what they did.”

People Anger Angry

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.”

Thinking Feels Emotion Responsibility Dangerous Emotional Conscious Behave Emotional Intelligence

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.”

Spirituality Felt Compassion Focus Judging Needed Depth Spiritual Awareness Clarifying

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves-the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.”

Firsts Important Self Able Action Past Compassion Regret Aspect Self Compassion

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“We want people to change because they see better ways of meeting their needs at less cost, not because of fear that we're going to punish them, or 'guilt' them if they don't. This applies to ourselves as well.”

People Ifs Way Want Needs Wells Compassion Cost Guilt Meetings Better Ways

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

“What I want in my life is compassion a flow between myself and others based on mutual giving from the heart.”

Want Giving Heart Life Is Compassion Flow Mutual Nonviolent Communication

Author:Marshall B. Rosenberg

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