Filter quotes by topic
Famous Tommy Cooper Quotes
“I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.”
“Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.”
“I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.”
“My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.”
“And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.”
“I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.”
“Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.”
“A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."”
“Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.”
“I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.”
“I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.”
“I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."”