Home / Topics / Humor Quotes

Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.”

Humor Funny Fall Bird Nests

Author:Winston Churchill

“Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.”

Made Sometimes Humor Funny Night Fall Clothes Blanket

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any bad review, and 2) those who bleed copiously and secretly at any bad review.”

Writing Two Humor Funny Science Fall Secret Groups Criticism Observation Reviews Bad Reviews

Book:Gold: the final science fiction collection

Source: Gold: the final science fiction collection

“The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.”

People Humor Funny Fall Roles Humour Down And Bottom Falling Down

Author:Alan Coren

“New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.”

Way Humor Funny Remember Fall New York Civilization Falling Apart

Author:David Letterman

“Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"”

Said Humor Funny Fall Fun Having Fun Chairs They Said Paranoid Getting High

Author:Bill Cosby

“Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!”

Doe Humor Funny Guy Fall Half Saws Projects Boxes Entertainment Tricks Desperate Hats This Guy Magician Rabbits

Author:Chris Rock

“My favourite road sign is 'Falling Rocks'. What exactly am I supposed to do with that information? They may as well have a sign saying "Random accidents ahead", "Life's a lottery, Be lucky."”

Wells May Humor Funny Fall Rocks Information Lucky Accidents Favourite Lottery Road Sign Sign Sayings

Author:Jimmy Carr

“When I was a kid my dad would say, "Emo, do you believe in the Lord?" I'd say, "Yes!" He'd say, "Then stand up and shout Hallelujah!" So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.”

Believe Humor Kids Funny Fall Lord Dad My Dad Roller Coaster Coasters Hallelujah Emo

Author:Emo Philips

“A 66-YEAR-OLD woman has become the oldest new mum in Britain after giving birth to a baby boy. I'm amazed she needed to have a caesarean section though, you'd think at 66 she would have needed some masking tape down there just to stop it falling out.”

Thinking Giving Years Humor Funny Fall Boys Baby Birth Needed Britain Tape Mum Amazed Sections Old Woman Giving Birth Baby Boy

Author:Frankie Boyle

“This city has so many beautiful women. I fall in love like every ten minutes, I'm sitting on the subway, I'm like, "There's my wife... there she is - oh, she's getting off. All right, there's the woman - all right, that's a man."”

Men Humor Funny Beautiful Fall Cities Wife Minutes Ten Sitting Falling In Love My Wife Beautiful Women Subway I Fall In Love

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.”

Humans States Body Humor Funny Fall Born Minutes Constant Decay Falling Apart Human Body

Author:Adam Ferrara

“So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."”

Men Trying Said Matter Humor Funny Lying Fall Break Bars Pockets Gutters Toffee

Author:Chic Murray