Best humor & moving Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Interesting survey in the current Journal of Abnormal Psychology: New York City has a higher percentage of people you shouldn't make any sudden moves around than any other city in the world.”

People World Humor Funny Moving Interesting Cities Psychology New York Higher Currents New York City Journal Percentages Surveys Abnormal Cities In The World Abnormal Psychology

Book:Late night with David Letterman: the book

Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book

“I want to thank you for coming to the White House to give me an opportunity to urge you to work with these five senators and three congressmen, to work hard to get this trade promotion authority moving. The power that be, well most of the power that be, sits right here.”

“Thirdly, the explorationists are willing to only move equipment during the winter, which means they'll be on ice roads, and remove the equipment as the ice begins to melt, so that the fragile tundra is protected.”

Mean Humor Moving Political Willing Winter Ice Remove Fragile Protected Equipment Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“And we need a full affront on an energy crisis that is real in California and looms for other parts of our country if we don't move quickly.”

Ifs Needs Real Country Humor Moving Political Energy Crisis Our Country California Political Humor Affront Energy Crisis

Author:George W. Bush

“Kosovians can move back in.”

Humor Moving Political Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.”

Thinking Mean Use Humor Funny Moving Dating Paint Phrases Funny Dating

Author:Adam Ferrara

“Humor is a show of both strength and of vulnerability: you are willing to make the first move but you are trusting in the response of your listener.”

Firsts Shows Humor Moving Willing Response Vulnerability Listeners

Book:They Used to Call Me Snow White ... But I Drifted: Women's Strategic Use of Humor

Source: They Used to Call Me Snow White ... But I Drifted: Women's Strategic Use of Humor

“I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.”

Ifs Said Humor Running Funny Moving Guy My Own Fire Comedy Legs Block Gambling This Guy Exit Own Business Casinos Mind Your Own Business Minding My Own Business

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"”

Said Humor Running Funny Moving Guy Hell Caught Bars Hey Hats Pairs Nerves Apologizing Rude Caught Up This Guy Accessories Go To Hell Sunglasses Mustache Hey You Earrings Ponytails

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“The next time I move I hope I get a real easy phone number, something like 2222222. People will ask, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'll say, "Just press two for a while, when I answer, you'll know that you've pressed two enough."”

People Knows Two Real Enough Humor Funny Moving Next Asks Easy Answers Numbers Presses Phones Next Time Phone Numbers

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.”

People Thinking Feels Humor Funny Moving Dies Sides Loses Hair Cancer About Yourself Disagree Strokes Chemotherapy Remission Life Sucks

Author:Denis Leary

“Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is it moving, get it!! It's a nun! Fry her!! Fry her!"”

Made Humor Funny Moving Company Streets Wander Beer Nun

Author:Dylan Moran

“People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know... People - I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they want more love or attention, or what it is, but they always go for the most obvious place, you know? Here... Well if you really want more attention, why not get them in your eyes? And then move your eyes down to where your nipples used to be, put your breasts up on your head, everybody will pay attention!”

People Ifs Knows Want Wells Humor Eye Funny Moving Used Pay Attention Obvious Used To Be Pay Attention Breasts Why Not Depressing Routes Implants Nipples

Author:Dylan Moran

“When you say 'Bedtime, bedtime, bedtime!' that's not what the child hears. What the child hears is 'Lie down in the dark... for hours... and don't move... I'm locking the door now.'”

Children Humor Funny Moving Lying Hours Dark Doors Bedtime

Author:Dylan Moran

“I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read "Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water". And I couldn't help thinking, she should move.”

Thinking Should Littles Helping Humor Funny Moving Water Walks Saws Charity Miles Appeals Guardian Fetch

Author:Jimmy Carr

“1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move.”

Men Firsts Humor Funny Moving Waiting Sides Men And Women Opposites Valentine Valentine's Day

Author:Kristen Schaal

“I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes...”

Ifs Humor Funny Moving Next Week Boxes Mars Next Week

Author:Steven Wright

Humor Quotes

Related topics

Humor Quotes