“The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.” KnowsHumorFunnyGirlRight NowDatingGirlfriendMy GirlfriendMy GirlThis GirlFunny Dating Author:Adam Ferrara
“My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.” HumorFunnyGirlfriendKitchenMy Girlfriend Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I've never been to a hotel with a rotating restaurant on top, but one time I took my girlfriend to a merry-go-round, and I gave her a burrito.” HumorFunnyRoundsGirlfriendRestaurantsHotelOne TimeMerryMy GirlfriendMerry Go RoundRotatingBurritos Author:Mitch Hedberg
“My girlfriend is named Lynn. She spells her name "Lynn". My old girlfriend's name is Lyn, too, but she spells it "Lyn". Every now and then I screw up, I call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name, and she can tell because I don't say "n" as long.” LongHumorFunnyNamesGirlfriendSpellsNow And ThenScrewsMy GirlfriendScrew UpsNew GirlfriendOld Girlfriend Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.” HumorFunnyComicGirlfriendPregnantUnclesCouchesMy Girlfriend Author:Bo Burnham
“There was one time where I failed to perform sexually. My girlfriend said to me "oh don't worry, it happens to a lot of guys". Ok, there are two things wrong with that. First of all who are these other guys?, and second of all if it's happening to more than one of us, don't you think it could be YOUR fault?” IfsThinkingFirstsSaidTwoHumorHappensFunnyGuyWorryHappeningsFaultsGirlfriendTwo ThingsOne TimeOther GuysSexuallyMy Girlfriend Author:Jimmy Carr
“I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.” LooksSaidHumorFunnyFatsGirlfriendWhy NotSwimMy Girlfriend Author:Jimmy Carr
“Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"” IfsThinkingHumorFunnySexBehindsGirlfriendMy GirlfriendHaving Sex Author:Jimmy Carr
“I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.” HumorFunnyNextMoralWrittenWorriedGirlfriendMy GirlfriendKnickers Author:Frank Carson
“I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist.” HumorFunnyStormGirlfriendConceptionLightningThunderMy GirlfriendAntichristThunder And Lightning Author:Frankie Boyle
“I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.” HumorFunnyGirlfriendValentineValentine's DayMy GirlfriendChlamydia Author:Frankie Boyle
“And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!” TwoHumorFunnyWatchesFatsGirlfriendZoneMy GirlfriendTime Zones Author:Rodney Dangerfield
“My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there that was deaf. They were so good.” HumorFunnyNightPartyCoupleDinnerGirlfriendDeafMy GirlfriendDinner PartyGood FunCharades Author:Zach Galifianakis
“I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.” HumorFunnySexAbilityEmotionalGirlfriendInvolvementMy Girlfriend Author:Adam Ferrara
“My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.” HumorFunnyBreakPiecesEasierGirlfriendMy GirlfriendChristmas Present Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.'” HumorCareFunnyMotherCausesParentNiceMomMonthsDadMadSorryNakedThings To DoGirlfriendMailMy GirlfriendNice ThingsFuriousMessed UpI Am So Sorry Author:Anthony Jeselnik
“A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony, I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'” IfsThinkingWantSaidHumorFunnyLastsMonthsCoupleMadGirlfriendFancyMy GirlfriendLingerie Author:Anthony Jeselnik