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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.”

“Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.”

Men Long Funny Answers Relationship Findings Humorous Men And Women Sexy Actresses Singers Comedian Somewhere Else Playwright Being Single Screenwriters Guessing Second Guessing

Book:The wit and wisdom of Mae West

Source: The wit and wisdom of Mae West

“Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.”

World War Next Answers Humorous Doctors Medicine Medical Vaccines Vaccinations

Author:Napoleon Bonaparte

“I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.”

Life Funny Left Answers Humorous Tests Witty Existentialism Blank Existential

Author:Woody Allen

“Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.”

Doe Said Feelings Funny Answers Humorous Occasions Aunt Swearing Profanity

Book:The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

Source: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

“I mean, the question actors most often get asked is how they can bear saying the same things over and over again, night after night, but God knows the answer to that is, don't we all anyway; might as well get paid for it.”

Knows Wells Mean Might Funny Night Actors Answers Acting Bears Humorous Paid God Knows Saying The Same Thing Over And Over

Book:The Dud Avocado

Source: The Dud Avocado

“I've always been intrigued with the variety of answers this generation will give their children who ask, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" They will range from "Number 176 vial in Buffalo, New York," to "You were defrosted."”

Giving Children Humor Kids Funny Asks Answers Numbers Generations New York Baby Humorous Variety Range Intrigued This Generation Buffalo

Author:Erma Bombeck

“I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end.”

Ends Feelings Answers Humorous Phones Telephones Answering Machines Curmudgeon

Author:Fred Couples

“When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively. In a way, the next move is up to him.”

Men Way Problem Moving Next Given Answers Attitude Humorous Shots Definite Next Move

Author:R. A. Lafferty

“When you get asked hundreds of questions, it's not possible to remember the answer to every one.”

Remember Answers Stupid Humorous

Author:William J. Clinton