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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.”

House Doors Humorous Police Phones Invites Back Doors

Author:Mike Harding

“Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.”

Source: Our Mutual Friend: Easyread Edition

“Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.”

Men Home Waiting Doors Ten Humorous Tired Witty Sarcastic I'm Tired

Author:Mae West

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

Life Long Matter Funny Three Doors Figures Six Laughter Humorous Comedian Locks Hilarious Funny Life Humor And Laughter Humor Laughter Funny Comedian Best Funny Most Funny

Author:Elayne Boosler

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”

Want Funny Next Music Doors Humorous Glasses Radio Surface Thanks Showers Better Place Slick Funny Music

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.”

Love Inspiration Funny Doors Humorous Witty Wordplay Innuendo

Author:Groucho Marx

“There was a knock on our dressing-room door. Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The Police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down the john. Then the door opened and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting.”

Men Funny Rooms Doors Humorous Police Managers Dressings Knocking Singer Songwriters Rolling Stones Keith Dressing Rooms

Author:Keith Richards

“The people shall further be graded according to wealth, and—humorous touch this—the more obviously a man labor, the more stinting shall be his reward; the more he work in the out-of-doors, the thinner his clothing shall be; the more his labor filthy him, the less water shall he have to wash”

People Men Water Wealth Doors Humorous Labor Rewards Clothings Filthy

Book:At Swim, Two Boys

Source: At Swim, Two Boys