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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.”

“Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes.”

Leader Groups Moon Jokes Humorous Wings Notes Careful Divided Spells Ballet Swans Poultry Astounded

Author:Woody Allen

“Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a group of cavemen were sitting around, watching dinosaurs rot. Suddenly, lightning struck a nearby log and set it on fire. One of the cavemen stared at the fire for a few minutes, then said: Hey! Wood heat! The other cavemen, who did not understand English, immediately beat him to death with stones. But the key discovery had been made, and from that day forward, the cavemen had all the heat they needed, although their insurance rates went way up.”

Way Years Made Said Millions Fire Groups Minutes Keys Needed Beats Humorous Sitting Discovery Years Ago Stones Rate Woods Hey Heat Lightning Dinosaurs Sitting Around Cavemen Insurance Rate

Author:Dave Barry

“Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.”

Love Funny Mother Careers Four Groups Majors Humorous Guilt Witty Secret Love Food Love

Author:Cathy Guisewite

“Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.”

Funny Groups Humorous Witty Rebel

Author:Cathy Guisewite

“A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”

Inspirational Funny Time Hours Loses Groups Minutes Laughter Humorous Meetings Witty Committees

Author:Milton Berle

“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”

Source: Brain Droppings

“In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to light the filter ends of cigarettes.”

Men Ends Humor Light Running Funny Remember Asks Trouble Groups Drink Humorous Tasks Wine Drinking Complexes Alcohol Beer Cigarette Liquor Filters Beer Drinking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits