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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: Where else are you going to read the paper? Outside? What if it rains?”

“Several large, artificial constructions are approaching us, ZORAC announced after a short pause. The designs are not familiar, but they are obviously the products of intelligence. Implications: we have been intercepted deliberately by a means unknown, for a purpose unknown, and transferred to a place unknown by a form of intelligence unknown. Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious.”

Mean Has Beens Form Purpose Design Products Humorous Obvious Familiar Construction Artificial Pauses Implications

Book:The Two Worlds

Source: The Two Worlds

“Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.”

Play Funny Purpose Father Written Son Humorous Available Farmers Hints Forks Norfolk

Book:The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

Source: The Complete Works of Charles Dickens: Edwin Drood and Miscellaneous

“I'm easily persuaded that a really good novelist who gets inside somebody else's head could be serving a valuable purpose. I enjoy satirical novels that take a wry, humorous, ironic look at modern life.”

Looks Purpose Enjoy Novel Modern Humorous Valuable Novelists Serving Ironic Modern Life Satirical Wry

Author:Richard Dawkins

“After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.”

Ifs Purpose Enjoy Party Food Laughter Humorous Sarcastic Host Sole Champagne Taxi Sparkling Enjoy Yourself Cocktail Parties Party Invitations

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

Ifs Said Self Helping Humor Inspiration Funny Purpose Self Help Self Improvement Humorous Defeat Witty Insight Sarcastic Sections Hilarious Bookstores Bookshops Self Help Books Booksellers

Author:George Carlin

“Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You."”

Purpose Humorous Exciting Advertising Trends Ads Sole

Book:The World According to Dave Barry

Source: The World According to Dave Barry

“The principal purpose of the Democratic Party is to use the force of government to take property away from the people who earn it and give it to people who do not.”

People Giving Use Government Purpose Literature Force Party Republican Humorous Property Democratic Democrat Principal Democratic Party

Author:Neal Boortz

“An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.”

Purpose Enjoy Humorous Noble Englishmen

Author:A. P. Herbert