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Ellen Bass

Ellen Bass Quotes

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Famous Ellen Bass Quotes

“Gate C22 At gate C22 in the Portland airport a man in a broad-band leather hat kissed a woman arriving from Orange County. They kissed and kissed and kissed. Long after the other passengers clicked the handles of their carry-ons and wheeled briskly toward short-term parking, the couple stood there, arms wrapped around each other like he’d just staggered off the boat at Ellis Island, like she’d been released at last from ICU, snapped out of a coma, survived bone cancer, made it down from Annapurna in only the clothes she was wearing. Neither of them was young. His beard was gray. She carried a few extra pounds you could imagine her saying she had to lose. But they kissed lavish kisses like the ocean in the early morning, the way it gathers and swells, sucking each rock under, swallowing it again and again. We were all watching– passengers waiting for the delayed flight to San Jose, the stewardesses, the pilots, the aproned woman icing Cinnabons, the man selling sunglasses. We couldn’t look away. We could taste the kisses crushed in our mouths. But the best part was his face. When he drew back and looked at her, his smile soft with wonder, almost as though he were a mother still open from giving birth, as your mother must have looked at you, no matter what happened after–if she beat you or left you or you’re lonely now–you once lay there, the vernix not yet wiped off, and someone gazed at you as if you were the first sunrise seen from the Earth. The whole wing of the airport hushed, all of us trying to slip into that woman’s middle-aged body, her plaid Bermuda shorts, sleeveless blouse, glasses, little gold hoop earrings, tilting our heads up.”

LoveWisdomInspiration
Book:The Human Line
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“When they laid you in the crook of my arms like a bouquet and I looked into your eyes, dark bits of evening sky, I thought, of course this is you, like a person who has never seen the sea can recognize it instantly. They pulled you from me like a cork and all the love flowed out. I adored you with the squandering passion of spring that shoots green from every pore. You dug me out like a well. You lit the deadwood of my heart. You pinned me to the earth with the points of stars. I was sure that kind of love would be enough. I thought I was your mother. How could I have known that over and over you would crack the sky like lightning, illuminating all my fears, my weaknesses, my sins. Massive the burden this flesh must learn to bear, like mules of love.”

LoveLifeFamilyGrowing UpDaughterMotherhoodMothers LoveTwentyfirst
Book:Mules of Love
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“When You Return Fallen leaves will climb back into trees. Shards of the shattered vase will rise and reassemble on the table. Plastic raincoats will refold into their flat envelopes. The egg, bald yolk and its transparent halo, slide back in the thin, calcium shell. Curses will pour back into mouths, letters un-write themselves, words siphoned up into the pen. My gray hair will darken and become the feathers of a black swan. Bullets will snap back into their chambers, the powder tamped tight in brass casings. Borders will disappear from maps. Rust revert to oxygen and time. The fire return to the log, the log to the tree, the white root curled up in the un-split seed. Birdsong will fly into the lark’s lungs, answers become questions again. When you return, sweaters will unravel and wool grow on the sheep. Rock will go home to mountain, gold to vein. Wine crushed into the grape, oil pressed into the olive. Silk reeled in to the spider’s belly. Night moths tucked close into cocoons, ink drained from the indigo tattoo. Diamonds will be returned to coal, coal to rotting ferns, rain to clouds, light to stars sucked back and back into one timeless point, the way it was before the world was born, that fresh, that whole, nothing broken, nothing torn apart.”

Poetry
Book:Like a Beggar
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“Thinking for yourself and making your own decisions can be frightening. Letting go of other people’s expectations can leave you feeling empty for a time. And yet seeing yourself as an independent adult who can stand up for your own choices frees you to accept yourself as you are.”

IndependenceFreedom Of ThoughtFreedom Of ChoiceHealing InsightsIndependent ThoughtIndependent ThinkingStand Up For YourselfThinking For YourselfStanding Up For OneselfMaking Your Own DecisionsPeople S Expectations
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“I know you're in a world of pain, but that pain will lessen. At the beginning you can't see that. You can only see your pain and you think it will never go away. But the nature of pain is that it changes— it changes like a sunset. At first, it's this intense red-orange in the sky, and then it starts getting softer and soften. The texture of pain changes as you work through it. And then one day, you wake up and realize that life isn't just about working through your incest; it's about living, too. - survivor of child sexual abuse”

SufferingHealingMetaphorTraumaRecoveryChild AbusePtsdEmotional PainChild Sexual AbuseIncestEmotional TurmoilOmplex Ptsd
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“How to Apologize Ellen Bass Cook a large fish—choose one with many bones, a skeleton you will need skill to expose, maybe the flying silver carp that's invaded the Great Lakes, tumbling the others into oblivion. If you don't live near a lake, you'll have to travel. Walking is best and shows you mean it, but you could take a train and let yourself be soothed by the rocking on the rails. It's permitted to receive solace for whatever you did or didn't do, pitiful, beautiful human. When my mother was in the hospital, my daughter and I had to clear out the home she wouldn't return to. Then she recovered and asked, incredulous, How could you have thrown out all my shoes? So you'll need a boat. You could rent or buy, but, for the sake of repairing the world, build your own. Thin strips of Western red cedar are perfect, but don't cut a tree. There'll be a demolished barn or downed trunk if you venture further. And someone will have a mill. And someone will loan you tools. The perfume of sawdust and the curls that fall from your plane will sweeten the hours. Each night we dream thirty-six billion dreams. In one night we could dream back everything lost. So grill the pale flesh. Unharness yourself from your weary stories. Then carry the oily, succulent fish to the one you hurt. There is much to fear as a creature caught in time, but this is safe. You need no defense. This is just another way to know you are alive. “How to Apologize” originally appeared in The New Yorker (March 15, 2021).”

PoemForgiveness
Author:Ellen Bass
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“The woman who was saving iguanas opened the cage of the newest arrival and asked if I wanted to hold him. She showed me how to slip my forearm under his scaly belly and bring him to my chest, not unlike soothing a colicky baby, though the iguana showed no distress and breathed evenly against my body, not cold, not warm, as if he didn’t mind being suspended in a stranger’s arms, as if nothing could surprise him in the tumble of the world he’d been swept up into. The iguana was strapped into a thin black harness that made him look like a leatherman from the Castro, an old queer with spiked hair and his wrinkled dewlap. I’d had a bad day, well really a bad year, and the one before that wasn’t good either. My child wasn’t talking to me and I’d stopped talking to everyone else. The iguana was still as a monk in prayer, all that moved were his ruched eyelids which opened and closed over his orange eyes. His chest filled and emptied with the dry hot air we shared. I thought to myself, even this is something.”

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Author:Ellen Bass
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“To heal from child sexual abuse you must believe that you were a victim, that the abuse really did take place. This is often difficult for survivors. When you’ve spent your life denying the reality of your abuse, when you don’t want it to be true, or when your family repeatedly calls you crazy or a liar, it can be hard to remain firm in the knowledge that you were abused.”

DenialChild Sexual AbuseSurvivorsIncestDysfunctional FamilyChild Sexual Abuse SurvivorRecovery From AbuseHealing Abuse
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“Healing was a terrifying and painful experience and my life was as full of struggle and heartache as it had always been. Several years after I started therapy, I began to feel happy. I was stunned. I hadn't realized that the point of all this work on myself was to feel good. I thought it was just one more struggle in a long line of struggles. It took a while before I got used to the idea that my life had changed, that I felt happy, that I was actually content. Learning to tolerate feeling good is one of the nicest parts of healing.”

HealingContentmentHealing The PastHealing JourneyHealing InsightsHealing The Emotional SelfHealing From AbuseRecovery From AbuseHealing Childhood Sexual Abuse
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“Deciding to actively heal is terrifying because it means opening up to hope. For many survivors, hope has brought only disappointment. Although it is terrifying to say yes to yourself, it is also a tremendous relief when you finally stop and face your own demons. There is something about looking terror in the face, and seeing your own reflection, that is strangely relieving. There is comfort in knowing that you don't have to pretend anymore, that you are going to do everything within your power to heal. As one survivor put it, "I know now that every time I accept my past and respect where I am in the present, I am giving myself a future." - The Courage to Heal”

HealingRecoveryTrue SelfAuthentic SelfAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsHealing JourneySaying YesReal SelfLooking To The FutureHealing From AbuseRecovery From AbuseSay YesNot PretendingAccepting The PastFacing Your DemonsAccept Your Own TruthDon T PretendSay Yes To YourselfTime To HealChoosing To HealCos Sexual Abuse SurvivorsDeciding To HealGave Your Feelings
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“For girls who've been pressured into sex they didn't want, growing into a woman's body can be terrifying. Anorexia and bulimia can be an attempt to say no, to assert control over their changing bodies. Compulsive overeating is another way.”

Eating DisordersAnorexiaBulimiaEffects Of Child AbuseChild Sexual Abuse SurvivorsCompulsive EatingOver EatingNine Eating
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“As you heal, you see yourself more realistically. You accept that you are a person with strengths and weaknesses. You make the changes you can in your life and let go of the things that aren’t in your power to change. You learn that every part of you is valuable. And you realize that all of your thoughts and feelings are important, even when they’re painful or difficult.”

HealingSelf AwarenessRecoveryAbuse SurvivorsEmotional HealthHealing InsightsSelf PerceptionNew PerspectiveSurvivors Of AbuseChild Abuse SurvivorsEmotional FreedomValuing Yourself
Book:Beginning to Heal: A First Book for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“... it is possible to heal. It is even possible to thrive. Thriving means more than just an alleviation of symptoms, more than Band-Aids, more than functioning adequately. Thriving means enjoying a feeling of wholeness, satisfaction in your life and work, genuine love and trust in your relationships, pleasure in your body.”

HealingLivingSurvivorWholenessChild Sexual AbuseThrivingThriver
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“In spite of the horror, in spite of the tragedy, in spite of the weeks of sleepless nights, I'm finally alive. I'm not pretending. I feel real. I'm not playing charades anymore. I wouldn't go back to the way I was for anything. I'm really like a different person. I'm where I am, and I'm making the most of it. I know I'm courageous now. I found out I had it in me to face this. — Barbara”

HopeHealingRecoveryTrue SelfAuthentic SelfAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsHealing JourneyReal SelfFace Your FearsHealing From AbuseRecovery From AbuseCharadesChild Abuse SurvivorHealing AbuseChild Abuse SurvivorsNew MeFeel AliveDeciding To ChangeGave Your Fears ChoiceHope And Disappointment
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“Survivors are often good at both resolving and generating crisis. While this capacity to handle crisis can make you a good emergency room worker or ambulance driver, it can also be a way for you to keep yourself from feeling. If you are addicted to intensity and drama...you may be running from yourself.”

DramaCrisisAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsEmergencyDrama Triangle
Book:The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
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“to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you've held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it. When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think, How can a body withstand this? Then you hold life like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, I will take you I will love you, again.”

ThinkingBodyHandsEyeFacesHopeWaterGriefAirLove YouAcceptanceFitPaperWeightFilledDearHeavyFleshHeatLove LifeThroatStomachCharmingPalmsVioletLungsObesityYou AgainTropicalCharming Smile
Author:Ellen Bass
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“So often survivors have had their experiences denied, trivialized, or distorted. Writing is an important avenue for healing because it gives you the opportunity to define your own reality. You can say: This did happen to me. It was that bad. It was the fault & responsibility of the adult. I was—and am—innocent.” The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis”

GivingWritingImportantRealityHappensOpportunityHealingResponsibilityAdultsFaultsHealInnocentSurvivorDeniedAvenuesBassLaura
Author:Ellen Bass
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