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Jarod Kintz Quotes

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Famous Jarod Kintz Quotes

“Play your saxophone like a quacking duck. An electric guitar full of lightning doesn't even have that energy.”

Humor Energy Music Guitar Ducks Lightning Duck Duck Quote Saxophone

Book:The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“I don't play the saxophone. But that's OK, because I talk to my quacking ducks, and our conversation is like music to my neighbor's six AM ears.”

Humor Music Morning Absurd Ducks Duck Duck Quote Duck Quotes Saxophone Neighbors

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“I managed to combine a saxophone and a trombone into one musical sound. Then I powdered it and sealed it in a can, so when you’re ready to enjoy it just add water and stir.”

Humor Sound Water Music Absurd Surreal Saxophone Trombone

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge. I also arrange notes in other shapes, like sound sculptures.”

Humor Sound Music Notes Absurd Sculpture Surreal Saxophone

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“I play jazz. Duck noises come out of my saxophone, and that lack of musical quality is how you know I’ve mastered the genre.”

Humor Music Jazz Absurd Ducks Duck Saxophone

Book:Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I like my morning coffee so strong it will wake up the neighbors. And if that doesn't work, I'll start playing my tuba.”

Humor Music Morning Coffee Awake Neighbors Wake Tuba

Book:The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“I once saw a marble statue in a museum, and it shocked me, because that piece of art had stolen my dance moves. Romance frozen in motion is my contribution to the culture of music, and I hope Harrison hires me to perform at their new concert venue.”

Humor Culture Music Dancing Dance Statue Harrison Arkansas Harrison

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“Using only audio software and recordings of ducks quacking and splashing in water, I make intergender music. That way you can ponder if you are truly Disney Trans enough for modern society while you dance with yourself.”

Humor Music Musician Dancing Dance Absurd Ducks Weird Duck Audio

Book:A Memoir of Memories and Memes

Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes

“I make music for people who dance like squids. Each song is fluid, and if you heard one you’d probably drown.”

Humor Music Dancing Dance Absurd Fluid Drown Squid

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“My ducks swim like they are water dancing. They do this because I play the saxophone like it's liquid music.”

Music Dancing Dance Swim Swimming Ducks Duck Duck Quote Duck Quotes Saxophone

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“Turn the music down, and when you hit zero decibels—turn it down even more. Negative volume produces the most beautiful dancing.”

Humor Sound Music Dancing Dance

Book:The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks

“Jazz is made for elevators. It's crafted for the finest dancing spaces.”

Humor Music Dancing Jazz Dance Absurd Elevator

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“The only thing better than Steve Winwood is an instrumental cover of Steve Winwood that's heavy on the flute. When I hear it, I dance like I'm on a crowded elevator.”

Humor Music Dancing Dance Elevator Flute

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“Some songs should be silent. They would be more danceable if they were ear camouflaged.”

Humor Song Silence Music Dancing Dance Songs Camouflage

Book:I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge

Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge

“I dance like both my shoes are nailed to the wall. It goes way beyond mere performance and into the realm of art. I am the Rodin of the music world.”

Art Humor Music Dancing Dance Shoes Sculpture Surreal Performance Rodin

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“All the boys in the middle school locker room used to tease me and tell me I danced like Tina Turner. But that didn't stop them from throwing baloney sandwiches at me and whistling.”

Humor School Music Dancing Dance Absurd Tease Whistling Whistle

Book:I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge

Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge

“The key to dancing is to do it without music. Whoever first paired dancing and music together was an absolute lunatic, and would have been more useful to society if squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste. Nine out of ten dentists agree with me.”

Humor Music Society Dancing Dance Lunatic Dentist Toothpaste

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“What's the difference between running shoes and dancing shoes? Nothing, if you find a song that's 26.2 miles long.”

Humor Running Song Music Dancing Dance Absurd Marathon Run

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“You shouldn't sing blues if you don't have a voice like barbecue. It's got to be smoky.”

Voice Music Singing Sing Barbecue Blues Bbq Smoky

Book:Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast

“People say jazz puts them to sleep. As a master saxophone player, one who sounds like a duck quacking, I don't know if they're trying to insult me or insinuating they found a holistic solution to their insomnia. My music NOW comes in water-soluble tablets to be taken before bed.”

Humor Sleep Music Jazz Absurd Ducks Surreal Duck Sleeping

Book:One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production

Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production