jarod-kintz Quotes About golf

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Do you know who profits most in a gold rush? Mining suppliers—merchants. Today that includes marketers, because they're selling an idea or lifestyle. It's why golf's richest men aren't the pro players.”

Wealth Money Rich Gold Golf Marketing Golfing Mining Golfer Merchant

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golfers flexing on other golfers for having Androids will never not be inadvertently hilarious. iPhones are also owned by Janitors, the job that's at the bottom of the perceived status pile, and I'd rather golf with a man who spends his time cleaning than a dirty pseudo snob.”

Wealth Golf Iphone Snob Status Janitor Android Golfer Flex

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I got a new golf bag. I keep it full of sad harmonica tunes that I hand out like Halloween candy to all the rainy-eyed players.”

Humor Sadness Sad Golf Halloween Surreal Golfing Golfer Harmonica

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting, but that's balanced out by the fact that I paint like Jack Nicklaus golfs. My record is finishing in 63 strokes.”

Art Humor Painting Golf Golfing Golfer Jackson Pollock Jack Nicklaus

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“When I golf, I use just enough strokes to create a masterpiece, like I'm a painter. The score I post up would look great on a museum wall.”

Art Painting Golf Paint Painter Masterpiece Golfing Museum Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I golf like a Jackson Pollock painting. I splatter my shots all over the place—and then I act like I just produced a masterpiece.”

Art Humor Painting Golf Absurd Masterpiece Golfing Golfer Jackson Pollock

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“My golf swing is like a James Cagney smile. It curves with sincerity, but it's also slightly sinister.”

Golf Smile Golfing Sinister Actor Golfer Swing James Cagney

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I told the joke, but someone else got the high five. That’s like me drinking a cup of coffee and a guy in a coma waking up. Go back to bed, buddy, your golfing days are over.”

Humor Golf Coffee Joke Golfing Coma Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I'll bet playing classical music to plants would make them grow taller. When my ducks listen to Mozart, they become more cultured and have done things like taken up golf.”

Culture Growth Music Golf Ducks Classical Music Duck Golfing Mozart Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“John Daly is all the Caddyshack characters in one body. He's a caricature of a person, and that's why I'm a fan.”

Character Golf Golfing Golfer Fan John Daly Caddyshack

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“A cigarette is just rolled up leaves, which makes it a smokable salad burrito. That makes the golfer John Daly a health advocate.”

Humor Health Golf Absurd Cigarette Salad Golfing Golfer John Daly Burrito

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Inflation hurts us all. Today I'm seeing inflation at the grocery store, the leisure sector, and even on my golf scorecard. Yes, The Central Bank is to blame for my horrendous game.”

Humor Money Golf Inflation Groceries Golfing Golfer Prices

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I played a round of golf, but I didn't get an eagle. No, that symbol of American FREEDOM flew away faster than I could say Francis Scott Key.”

America Freedom Golf Absurd Golfing Eagle Golfer Francis Scott Key

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Zebras are piano horses. I think about that when I’m swinging a golf club, and it brings a musical cowboy element to my game that another player might not be able to buy in a vending machine.”

Music Horse Golf Piano Cowboy Surreal Golfing Golfer Zebra

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Growing up, my mom gave me the choice of either golf lessons or piano, and of course I chose the more musical option. That's how I learned to make triumphant trumpet noises with my mouth.”

Humor Music Golf Absurd Piano Trumpet

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“Golf is the only sport where you can't tell how good a player might be by glancing at their physical form. I've seen some real slobs shoot scores so low the number is almost their age.”

Humor Age Sports Golf Golfing Sport Golfer Slob

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Pool tables should have contours, like golf courses. For a novice billiards player, I have a pretty good swing.”

Humor Golf Absurd Pool Golf Course Golfing Billiards Pool Table

Book:There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't

“I like landscape architecture. And I studied horticulture the old-fashioned way—by watching golf on TV.”

Humor Golf Tv Horticulture Landscape Architecture

Book:Me and memes and memories

Source: Me and memes and memories

“John Daly is from Arkansas, but now lives in Florida. I'm from Florida, but now I live in Arkansas. I am the inverse John Daly, and I think my golf game proves it.”

Humor Golf Absurd Florida Golfing Arkansas Golfer John Daly

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I watched the cheese melt in the microwave—along with the surrounding plastic. I forgot to take it out of its package before use, just like my golf game.”

Golf Absurd Nonsense Plastic Weird Surreal Golfing Golfer Microwave

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I love cola-flavored soda—especially if it's authentically brown colored and manufactured by the government. It reminds me that Soviet Russia never produced any great golfers, and that is the only mistake made by the game over the centuries.”

Humor History Golf Russia Golfing Soda Golfer Cola

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People ask me if I like golfing, and I look at them and reply, "Does The Pope wipe his ass with tuna fish sandwiches?" That response is NOT sponsored by Subway.”

Golf Absurd Pope Subway Golfing Tuna Golfer Sandwich Tunafish

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I love how golf courses have water hazards. But the ponds feel empty without ducks. I'd like to start a business renting my ducks out to country clubs.”

Golf Ducks Duck Golf Course Golfing Duck Quote Duck Quotes Golfer Country Club

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Your golf course is my duck farm. I am The John Daly of raising avians.”

Golf Ducks Duck Golf Course Duck Quote Duck Farm Absurd Golfing

Book:Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“Hidden Valley is a golf course in Springfield. Hidden Valley is also the name of a brand of ranch dressing, and that’s more suited to my game.”

Humor Golf Golf Course Golfing Golfer Ranch Ranch Dressing Springfield

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“People watch my unique style of play, and they want to know my top three golf influences. That's easy. John Daly, practicing daily, and an orange and white cat surrounded by yellow ducklings.”

Practice Cat Golf Absurd Cats Surreal Golfing Ducklings Golfer John Daly

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“A dandelion is the golf-ball-on-a-tee of the flower world. That makes me The John Daly of gardeners.”

Humor Flower Garden Golf Absurd Gardening Gardener Golfing Dandelion John Daly

Book:Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you

“I play golf like a machine. That machine is a tractor.”

Humor Golf Grass Golfing Machine Golfer Greens Tractor

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“I have a golf swing like a Rosary dangling off a car's rearview mirror. I hope watching me play makes you realize Catholicism isn't for you.”

Catholic Golf Absurd Catholicism Golfing Rosary Golf Swing Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golfing is a gateway drug to duck farming. Just being out in nature is addicting.”

Nature Golf Ducks Duck Golfing Duck Quote Duck Quotes Scenic Beauty

Book:Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.

“He has a golf swing like a Bukowski line. It's slightly rough, but it's got a shape that knifes through time.”

Poetry Time Poet Poem Golf Author Golfing Bukowski Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

“Golf is so scenic that it makes me want to compose haikus on the greens. Mini-golf makes me want to write even shorter poetry.”

Poetry Golf Haiku Mini Golf

Book:Powdered Saxophone Music

Source: Powdered Saxophone Music

“I shimmy so much before teeing off, people are probably thinking, "Are you going to golf—or dance?” Well, why not both?”

Thinking Humor Dancing Golf Dance Absurd Golfing Golfer

Book:To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear

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