“I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.” YearsThreeSaltNew YearGrainAspirinGrain Of Salt Author:Milton Berle
“Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list” WantYearsLastsToughEightListsBillionsChristmasLast YearSantaTough TimesIrsFunny Money Author:Milton Berle
“One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.” YearsHardProblemEducationHalfMillionsRichTeacherTeachingStudentsDollarsCaringUnclesRetiredMillion Dollars Author:Milton Berle
“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.” ThinkingFeelsYearsRunningFunnyHealthTenDoctorsAddMotivational RunningJoggingRunning FunnyFunny Running Author:Milton Berle
“At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.” FeelsYearsTwoWomenTwentiesEighty Author:Milton Berle
“Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.” GivingYearsUsedNamesDrinkDoctorsGive MeChristmasExpensiveBossBottlesBrandy Author:Milton Berle
“I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.” YearsSonChristmasMy SonNew YearBatsFlew Author:Milton Berle
“In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.” KnowsYearsHardChristmasDecemberSuburbsChristmas Gift Author:Milton Berle
“My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."” YearsSaidWholeLastsWifeBrotherMy WifeChristmasDepartmentShoppingLast YearYour BrotherWhole FamilyNephew Author:Milton Berle
