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Famous Milton Berle Quotes
“At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.”
“I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.”
“I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.”
“I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.”
“I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.”
“I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.”
“I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.”
“It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.”
“My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.”
“My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.”
“My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?”
“My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.”
“She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.”
“There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.”
“They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.”
“War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.”