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Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes

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Famous Oliver Markus Malloy Quotes

“Ladies, I have bad news for you. Men are pigs. No really. I know you think you know what I'm talking about but you don't know the half of it. You have no idea how depraved we men really are. I'm about to tell you the truth about men. The whole truth. Not that sanitized holier-than-thou shit they feed you in all those other relationship books. I'm gonna take you into the abyss that is the male mind. It's a dark and scary place. You're not gonna like it. It's dirty in there. Icky. Don't touch anything. Bring hand sanitizer.”

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Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women
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“You probably think you know all about men, because you read a lot of romance novels, so you think you're an expert on men. But I'm gonna tell you a little secret: the men in those books are fiction. They do not at all represent how men in real life actually think. Those romance novels were written for women by women (and a few men who know what women like to read, so they write romance to make a quick buck.) When you read a book like Grey, Christian's inner monologue does not at all sound like how a man actually thinks in real life. It sounds like a woman does a poor job of imagining how a man thinks. The fictitious men in romance novels are as fake and imaginary as vampires. They're not real. Right about now, there's probably a little voice in your head, screaming: “NOOO!!! You can't say that! You can't speak for all men! Every man is different!!” True. No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes them different from cats. The same goes for men and women. The trouble starts when cats don't realize that dogs are different. Dogs think differently, and perceive the world differently, than cats do. I'm a dog. You're a cat. And a dog knows better what it's like to be a dog than a cat does.”

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Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women
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“There's a reason why most men don't read romance: Romance novels are wish-fulfillment for women. The fictitious men in romance novels fall all over themselves trying to please a woman. Does that sound like your real life experience with men? No of course not. (Except for guys who want to fuck you. There is no man more attentive as the guy who wants to fuck you for the first time.) That's why you read romance. To get something you don't get in real life. Because your husband's idea of romance is bringing out the trash and not farting during sex.”

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Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women
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“You might think your pussy is the wrong color or the wrong shape or the wrong size, but when a man looks at it, all he sees is heaven. Trust me, he's not worried about whether your lips are symmetrical. He's just counting his lucky stars to see you naked. It's very difficult for a man to understand why a woman would be so self-conscious about her hooha.”

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Book:Why Creeps Don't Know They're Creeps - What Game of Thrones can teach us about relationships and Hollywood scandals
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“We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, nature is really just a giant fuckfest. That beautiful bird chirping? It's a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to get laid. And why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? To attract females. Because he's trying to get laid. Animals in the wild spend their entire lives trying to stay alive, and to mate. That's it. They eat, they sleep, they fuck, they raise their offspring. That's the meaning of their lives.”

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Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women
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“When a troll tries to piss on your leg online, simply reply with: "Does your mom know she raised a little asshole?" It attacks him on so many different levels at once, he won't know how to respond.”

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Book:Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes
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“Have you heard of the 'Deaths of Despair' epidemic in rural America? The quality of life in Republican-run red states is so bad, rednecks are literally killing themselves because they'd rather be dead than live in a Republican state for another day.”

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Book:How to Defeat the Trump Cult: Want to Save Democracy? Share This Book
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“Men looove pussy. They can never get enough of it. If you send a guy a pussy pic, he's gonna think you're awesome. And he assumes you feel the same way if he sends you an unsolicited dick pic. He loves jerking off while looking at pussy, and in his mind he's certain that you must love dick pics as much as he loves pussy pics. It is such a given to him, it never even occurred to him that it might not be true. If you have a dog, you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes a dog brings you his favorite toy in the whole world. And he puts it in your lap. Not because he wants you to throw it. This is not for him. This is for you. He wants you to have it. When you look at his toy, all you see is a dirty old sock, covered in crusty dried dog spit. But that's not what he sees. To him that sock is the most awesome thing in the whole world. And he is putting The Most Awesome Thing In The Whole World in your lap. Then he sits down in front of you and stares into your eyes as if to say: "This is my gift to you. May it give you the same endless hours of joy and happiness that it has given me." And that's exactly what men think when they send you a dick pic.”

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Book:Why Creeps Don't Know They're Creeps - What Game of Thrones can teach us about relationships and Hollywood scandals
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“People have always been vain. Can you imagine what it was like when some guy invented the first mirror? Maidens probably spent all day and night just staring at their own reflection in the dim candle light of their drafty castle tower, back when the first mirrors were cutting edge technology.”

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Book:The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance
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“Next time a little edgelord comments "OK boomer" to troll you, just troll him right back and reply with "I bet you like chicken nuggets." All small children like chicken nuggets.”

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Book:Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes
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“Christians believe: If you love God you go to heaven. If you don't go to heaven, you go to hell. So, if you don't love God, you go to hell. God created everything, including heaven and hell. So he created a torture chamber, in case you don't love him back. Crazy.”

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Book:Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes
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