“Have you heard about the women who stabbed her husband 37 times? I admire her restraint.”
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Famous Roseanne Barr Quotes
“If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.”
“There isn't any New Man. The New Man is the old man, only he whines more.”
“Who's elk horn do I have to blow in order to get something to eat around here?”
“The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.”
“I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.”
“Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.”
“Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.”
“Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.”
“The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.”
“It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.”
“One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.”
“I think I should be here alone to rethink the world, I do. I want these lesser humans gone.”
“My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.”
“I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.”
“I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful.”
“I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?”
“I was not raised a Zionist, but a socialist, as were most Jews before the Holocaust.”
“I'm either mentally ill or Jewish. I can't sometimes tell the difference.”