Home / Authors / Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr

Roseanne Barr Quotes

Actress

Roseanne Barr is an American actress, comedian, screenwriter, and producer, born on November 3, 1952. She is best known for her starring role in the television show 'Roseanne', which achieved great success in the early 1990s. Barr is beloved by audiences for her unique sense of humor and candid personality.

Filter quotes by topic

All People Thinking Knows Ifs Men Want Husband World Problem Trying

Famous Roseanne Barr Quotes

“I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.”

Grows Enjoy Tyranny Posts Biology Bothered Menopause Enjoying My Life

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I’m not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.”

Thinking President Politician

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Imitation is the sincerest form of show business.”

Shows Form Imitation Show Business

Book:Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

Source: Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

“My real life is funnier than anything on TV.”

Real Life Is Tvs Real Life

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Nobody wanted the "Roseanne" show. I heard from agents that there was no interest in a show about a fat woman and her family.”

Shows Wanted Interest Heard Fats Agents Fat Women

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.”

Bird California Surgery Bypass Gastric

Author:Roseanne Barr

“The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.”

Want Real Voice Alive Politician Truth Is Election Hanging Out Dissent Real Truth

Author:Roseanne Barr

“They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!”

Years Said Reality Nuts

Author:Roseanne Barr

“We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.”

Parent Meant To Be

Author:Roseanne Barr

“You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.'”

Knows Way Rich Blessed Better Ways

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life.”

States Causes Meditation Effects Relaxation Paradigm

Author:Roseanne Barr

“The American people are sick and tired of this ‘lesser evil’ garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they’re in office...”

People Years Evil Republican Office Sick Election Tired Democrat Feds Garbage Lesser Evil Election Years

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled.”

Thinking Giving Different Feelings Happens Today Interesting Huge Give Me Regard Yesterday Video Occasions Comment Bores Crave Refrain Participating Poke Rare Occasion

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice NEVER attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head.”

Ifs Nations Notion Patriarchy Bully Judaism Zionism Patriarchal Society

Author:Roseanne Barr

“After my 1985 appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, I was wooed by producers in Hollywood, who told me they wanted to turn my act into a sitcom.”

Shows Wanted Turns Hollywood Appearance Producers Tonight Sitcom

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Anyone with a show on T.V. will tell you it's backbreaking work. And if you have a big personality, which I have, and you're a perfectionist, there's going to be head-butting.”

Ifs Shows Bigs Personality Perfectionist

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room.”

Girl White Rooms Five Written Wall Paper Pages Paint Teenager Plastic Orange Notebook Scrap Tablets Napkins

Book:Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

Source: Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

“Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem!”

People Two Facts Problem Order Opinion Media Data Consistently Problem Solving Cornerstones American Media

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.”

Source: Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

“Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.”

Thinking Want Writing Persons Self Would Be Humanity Dies My Own Lonely Exciting Experiments Blogs Starting Over Wanting To Die

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too.”

Knows Years Kind Mean Bigs Courses Illness Mental Illness Therapy Disorder Healed Pioneers

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.”

Knows Kind Stars Stuff Stage Singing Accidents Tragic Fright Banner Stage Fright

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I know that I pay 48 percent of my income to taxes. You know, I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't going just to export war. If it was actually going to help the people of the United States, I would gladly pay more.”

People Ifs Knows Mind War States Helping United Pay United States Taxes Percent Income

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I like facts and data because they help me think clearly, beyond the cultural messages that I ingest unwittingly, and sometimes find myself regurgitating almost unconsciously.”

Thinking Sometimes Facts Helping Messages Data Help Me

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing.”

People Knows Kind Talking Dialogue Conclusion Sane People Talking

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice.”

People Thinking Two Guy Choices Evil Asks Opportunity Given Race Serious Debate Comedian Presidential Romney Lesser Evil Two Evils Lesser Of Two Evils

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.”

Thinking Asks Offers Solutions Humorists

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.”

Thinking Trying Real Stuff Views Comedy Jokes My Friends Universal Point Of View Broads

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.”

Want Used Stars Movie Star Trailers Life Living

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I want to say that nobody accuses their parents of abusing them without justification to do that. I didn't just make it up. A lot of things were true and abusive and horrible things that happened to me that my father did.”

Want Father Parent Happened Horrible Justification Abusive Horrible Things

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.”

Writing Firsts Wells Real Hard Government Happened Husband Jokes Adults Raised My Husband Cheese

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be unable to overlook the needs of average Americans in the run-up to the 2012 election.”

Needs Running Rooms Media Election Average Mainstream Living Room Mainstream Media Ignore Me 2012 Election

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I'm a comic, and I'm supposed to outrage and make people laugh, Part of makin' people laugh is to shake up their thinkin'. That's what I came here to do.”

People Laughing Comic Shakes Outrage Making People Laugh

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I'm a farmer now, and it's fantastic. My goal is to be totally self-sufficient and grow everything that I eat. There's something about earning your dinner that's cool.”

Self Grows Goal Dinner Fantastic Sufficient Farmers Earning Self Sufficient

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I'm never going to get married again. Three strikes, you're out. I think if I would try to get married again in California, I have to go to prison, don't I? I think you only get three.”

Ifs Thinking Trying Three Married Prison Strikes California Three Strikes

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey.”

World Doe Philosophy Lasts Culture Easy Military Patriarchy Judaism Prey Matriarchy

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian.”

Enough Earth Heaven Ten Territory Palestinian Billionaire Pals

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it.”

Problem Simple Drinking Solve Cosmos Milk Patriarchy Sock Refrigerators

Author:Roseanne Barr

“The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment Roseanne dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous!”

Ends Moments Happened Fame Ten Seasons Addiction Nine Instantaneous

Author:Roseanne Barr

“To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it's a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write - but only for about ten minutes.”

Writing Mind Littles Minutes Discipline Ten Mark Undisciplined

Book:Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

Source: Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm

“TV family sitcoms have always been about fathers who know best and mothers who are so enchanted with everything they do. I wanted to be the first mom to be a mom on TV. I wanted to sent out a message about how us women really feel.”

Knows Feels Firsts Wanted Mother Father Tvs Mom Messages Sitcom Being A Mom Enchanted

Author:Roseanne Barr

“When I used to watch comedians with my dad, he laid it all out for me. He wanted to be a comedian himself, and he was so funny. We'd watch stand-up on TV, and he'd tell me the subtext of what they were saying.”

Wanted Used Watches Tvs Dad My Dad Comedian Subtext

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered, 'Hey, why not you Roseanne?' Indeed, why not each of us?”

World Messages Female Males Chosen Hey Divinity Why Not Deaf

Author:Roseanne Barr

“'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.”

Mean Winning Failing Hollywood Pizza Salmon Peaking Smoked Salmon

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve.”

Men Needs Wells Helping Use Problem Strong Ability Planets Needed Essentials Resources Solve Seeds Righteous Strong Man

Author:Roseanne Barr

“You know when you first get rich, and you, like, just buy everything that you see? I did that for several years. And I have sheds full of things, maybe sometimes nine copies of the same thing.”

Knows Years Firsts Sometimes Rich Nine Copies Shed Get Rich

Author:Roseanne Barr

“I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.”

Mother Mom Clever Household Vacuums Housework Chores Famous Women Housekeeping Sears Household Chores Spring Cleaning

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.”

Men Humor Travel Hundred Concepts Miles Birthday Maps Inches

Author:Roseanne Barr

“Women are cursed, and men are the proof.”

Men Proof Valentine Valentine's Day Cursed Funny Relationship Funny Valentines Day Funny Valentine Happy Valentines Day Funny Funny Single Valentines Day Funny Romantic

Author:Roseanne Barr

“To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian.”

Treats Foolish Vegetarian Bulls

Author:Roseanne Barr

About the Author

Born: November 3, 1952
Known for: Actress
Quotes: 219

Related Topics

People Thinking Knows Ifs Men Want Husband World Problem Trying

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut FarmRelated source material

Roseanne: my life as a womanRelated source material

Similar Authors

Dolly PartonBrowse related quotes
Angelina JolieBrowse related quotes
Bill MaherBrowse related quotes
Madonna CicconeBrowse related quotes
Miley CyrusBrowse related quotes
Zach BraffBrowse related quotes
Kristen StewartBrowse related quotes
Michael JacksonBrowse related quotes
Chuck KlostermanBrowse related quotes
Taylor SwiftBrowse related quotes