Humor Quotes
Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.
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Humor Quotes
“If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders.”
“If affirmative action means what I just described, what I'm for, then I'm for it.”
“How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through?”
“If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!”
“I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.”
“If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking.”
“If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?”
“Life is tough; and if you have the ability to laugh at it, you have the ability to enjoy it.”
“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”
“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”
“If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.”
“I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.”
“If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.”
“Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!”
“If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.”
“I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.”
“If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.”