Best humorous & church Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"”

Humans Mean Children Christian Funny Church Human Beings Gone Missing Humorous Indignation Christian Church

Book:Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].

Source: Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].

“The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down.”

Humor Funny Religion Heaven Church Atheism Willing Humorous Treasure Cash Treasures In Heaven

Book:The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll

Source: The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll

“I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.”

Life Years Funny Church Family Humorous My Family Witty Choir Church Choir Singing In Church

Author:Paul Lynde

“Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.”

Humor Christian Funny Religion Christ Church Humorous Dignity Superiors

Author:H. L. Mencken

“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.”

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.”

Christian Religion Church Car Humorous Standing Witty Garage

Author:Woody Allen

“He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.”

Humor Funny Religion Faith Church Humorous Catholic

Author:Kingsley Amis

“The only church that illuminates is a burning church.”

Funny Church Religious Humorous Burning Illumination Militant Anti Religion

Author:Buenaventura Durruti

“The church is like manure. Pile it up, and it stinks up the neighborhood. Spread it out, and it enriches the world.”

World Christian Funny Change Church Religious Humorous Spread Christian Inspirational Changing The World Neighborhood Stink Manure

Author:Luis Palau

“The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”

Source: Holy Spirit Are We Flammable or Fireproof?

“The Christian church is a society of sinners. It is the only society in the world membership in which is based upon the single qualification that the candidate shall be unworthy of membership.”

World Humor Christian Funny Church Humorous Candidates Sinner Unworthy Qualifications Membership Christian Church

Author:Charles Clayton Morrison

“Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize whether it be in church, a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the lights are out. They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have to last a lifetime and must be conserved.”

Should Children Humor Light Kids Funny Lasts Joy Enjoy Hours Church Baby Laughter Humorous Meetings Lifetime After Hours

Book:Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist

Source: Forever, Erma: Best-Loved Writing From America's Favorite Humorist

“She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.”

Shows Humor Funny Found Church Humorous Folks Bunch Telling The Truth

Author:Alice Walker

“The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.”

Ideas Humor Funny Church Boys Technology Humorous Embrace Altars Laptops

Author:Bill Maher

“We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)”

Humor Funny Church White Worship Humorous Hundred Twenties Towns Brown Chickens Chests Trading Stamps

Book:At Wit's End

Source: At Wit's End

“I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with.”

Ifs Thinking Humor Wanted Funny Given Church Behinds Humorous Bigger

Book:Holidays in Hell

Source: Holidays in Hell

“Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.”

Ifs Men Made Said Ideas God Humor Funny Courses Sound Church Tree Worship Humorous Golf Climbing Golf Course Worship God Aluminum Siding

Book:I'm Not Really Here

Source: I'm Not Really Here

“From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue, has three hotels on every lot, and no matter how often it tossed the dice you just knew it would never land on Go to Jail, it would be forever passing Go and collecting $200.”

Matter Humor Would Be Funny Three Church Cities Forever Air Land Humorous Property Passing Passings Hotel Jail Monopoly Avenues Collecting Marble Dice Illinois

Book:Another Roadside Attraction

Source: Another Roadside Attraction

Humorous Quotes

Related topics

Humorous Quotes