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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.”

“Indeed, so far from being humorous, the male American is the most abnormally serious creature who ever existed.. It is only fair to admit that he can exaggerate, but even his exaggeration has a rational basis. It is not founded on wit or fancy; it does not spring from any poetic imagination.”

Doe Imagination Serious Creatures Spring Humorous Fairs Bases Males Wit Rational Fancy Poetic Exaggeration Abnormal

Author:Oscar Wilde

“But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!”

Humorous Fairs Thee Marble Ophelia

Author:Mark Twain

“If I freely may discover What should please me in my lover, I would have her fair and witty, Savouring more of court than city; A little proud, but full of pity; Light and humorous in her toying, Oft building hopes, and soon destroying, Long, but sweet in the enjoying; Neither too easy nor to hard; All extremes I would have barr'd.”

Source: Delphi Complete Works of Ben Jonson (Illustrated)

“He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.”

Source: The Works of Charles Dickens: Sketches by Boz : illustrative of every day life and everyday people. 1903

“His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.”

Eye Sound Humorous Fairs Sorry Neighbor Teeth Bags Sarcasm Trifles Drawers Warrants Girdles

Book:The White Company: Sherlock Holmes Collections

Source: The White Company: Sherlock Holmes Collections

“Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.”

Ifs Giving Should Children Humor Kids Funny Chance Baby Humorous Fairs Doctors Average

Book:The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

Source: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

“Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.”

Wells War Funny Music Humorous Fairs Critics

Author:Victor Borge

“You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say.”

Knows Country Funny Chance One Thing Stupid Humorous Fairs

Author:William J. Clinton