Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes

Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.”

Men Funny Feet Humorous Hundred Gun Libertarian Lawyer Stealing Attorney Briefcases Corleone Best Lawyer

Author:Mario Puzo

“April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.”

Humor Funny Three Four Fool Humorous Hundred Sixty Funny Inspirational April Pranks Fools And Foolishness April Fools Day April Fools Fools Day Funny April Fools Day Funny April Fools

Author:Mark Twain

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.”

People Ifs Made Age Funny Past Death Dies Humorous Hundred Witty Birthday Getting Old Getting Older

Author:George Burns

“Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.”

Knows Wells I Can Eye Serious Humorous Hundred Claims Nine Naked Sarcasm Microscopes Naked Eyes

Book:The Lost World: Professor Challenger #1

Source: The Lost World: Professor Challenger #1

“You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.”

“It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not known, however, why this decision has not been carried out.”

Should Years Two States Funny America Language Decision United Known United States Humorous Hundred Years Ago Decided

Author:George Mikes

“A hundred years ago, it could take you the better part of a year to get from New York to California; whereas today, because of equipment problems at O'Hare, you can't get there at all.”

Years Problem Humor Today Funny New York Food Humorous Hundred Years Ago California Equipment Airline Hares Air Travel

Book:Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

Source: Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need

“We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)”

Humor Funny Church White Worship Humorous Hundred Twenties Towns Brown Chickens Chests Trading Stamps

Book:At Wit's End

Source: At Wit's End