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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.”

Funny Nations Humorous Witty Grass Sarcastic Sheep

Author:George Carlin

“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”

Source: Brain Droppings

“After the war, Prohibition was passed, and with liquor no longer legally available the nation plunged headlong into the Great Depression.”

War Humor Funny Nations Drink Humorous Wine Drinking Available Alcohol Liquor Prohibition Great Depression

Book:Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

Source: Dave Barry Hits Below the Beltway

“All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.”

Nations Humorous Drinking Beer Rays Beer Drinking Drinking Beer Brewing Brewing Beer Brewers

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“O Music! Miraculous art! A blast of thy trumpet and millions rush forward to die; a peal of thy organ and uncounted nations sink down to pray.”

Art Funny Dies Nations Music Millions Praying Humorous Organs Miraculous Blast Trumpets

Book:Vivian Grey

Source: Vivian Grey

“We have been flooded with postal cards from all over the United States and several parallel universes. Just a quick glance though these cards is enough to remind you why this great nation, despite all the talk of decline, still leads the world in tranquilizer consumption.”

World Has Beens Stills States Enough Funny America Universe Nations United United States Humorous Despite Cards Decline Consumption Glances Parallels Great Nations Parallel Universe

Book:Dave Barry Talks Back

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back

“The beer sold here in the United States is sweet and watery and lacking in taste and overcarbonated and just generally the lamest, wimpiest beer in the entire known world. All the other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer, and we are drinking Barry Manilow.”

World States Funny America Nations United Known United States Sweet Taste Humorous Drinking Beer Rays Lacking

Book:Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

Source: Dave Barry's Greatest Hits

“America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags.”

Thinking Knows Way Ideas Funny America Next Nations Millions Humorous Ideology Concentration Camps Thank God Idealism Concentration Camp Sneaky Gulags

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“America is a nation of 270 million people: 100 million of them are gangsters, another 100 million are hustlers, 50 million are complete lunatics, and every single one of us is secretly in show business. Isn't that fabulous?”

People Shows Funny America Nations Millions Humorous Fabulous Show Business Gangsters

Book:Wild Ducks Flying Backward

Source: Wild Ducks Flying Backward

“Canada, as you know, is a major important nation boasting a sophisticated, cosmopolitan culture that was tragically destroyed last week by beavers.”

Knows Important Humor Funny Lasts Culture Nations Week Majors Humorous Destroyed Canada Sophisticated Boast Beavers

Book:Dave Barry Talks Back

Source: Dave Barry Talks Back