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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.”

Turns Ability Humorous Toes Possessing And Off Bathtubs

Author:Rich Hall

“Terence, this is stupid stuff: You eat your victuals fast enough; There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear, To see the rate you drink your beer. But oh, good Lord, the verse you make, It gives a chap the belly-ache. The cow, the old cow, she is dead; It sleeps well the horned head: We poor lads, 'tis our turn now To hear such tunes as killed the cow. Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme Your friends to death before their time. Moping, melancholy mad: Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.”

Giving Wells Enough Turns Stuff Sleep Poor Lord Clear Stupid Drink Humorous Mad Rate Beer Tunes Melancholy Cows Verses Rhyme Belly Ache Pipe Lad Chaps Sleep Well

Author:A. E. Housman

“... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.”

Doe Body Funny Turns Expectations Humorous Wine Bottom Glasses Excuse Noses Wine Glass Rims Great Expectations Important

Book:Great Expectations

Source: Great Expectations

“He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.”

Source: The Works of Charles Dickens: Sketches by Boz : illustrative of every day life and everyday people. 1903

“We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

“Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.”

Littles Able Turns Opportunity Differences Decision Humorous Advantage Entrepreneur Obstacles Business Opportunity Life Opportunity

Author:Niccolo Machiavelli

“If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.”

Ifs Philosophy Turns Atheism Worst Humorous Atheist Witty Metaphysics Agnostic There Is No God Atheistic If There Is A God Love And Death There Being No God Love Death Funny Atheist Daily Atheist

Author:Woody Allen

“This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don’t you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that’s pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs.”

Thinking Knows Needs Feels Wells Guy Turns Crazy Brother Humorous Doctors Witty Absurd My Brother Eggs Chickens Keep Going Irrational This Guy Psychiatrist Annie Hall

Author:Woody Allen

“Turn your melodrama into a mellow drama.”

Humor Turns Drama Humorous Mellow Melodrama

Author:Ram Dass

“The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.”

Persons Funny Turns Wonder Music Audience Player Humorous Sticks Shakes Peculiar Orchestra Conductor

Author:Victor Borge

“When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.”

Humor Inspiration Motivational Funny Turns Fighting One Thing Wall Politician Humorous Insight Things To Do Back Against The Wall

Author:John Major